Akatsuki Goes on a Vacation
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: AU. Pein decides that the Akatsuki needs to go on a vacation. Where do they go? Niagara Falls! But will the peacefull vacation turn crazy with this group of ninjas? Rated T. may change to M later.
1. Useless Character Information

**Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki. But maybe i could buy them with...11 bucks...what do you think?**

**It's another story from Mika-chan! This is my very first shot at a crack!fic, so it might not be very good. but i hope it's at least a LITTLE like regular crack!fics. So...yeah. Let the deadly tale begin!**

This crack!fic is unlike other crack!fic that you've read before for one reason. What reason is that, you ask? It is not a beach trip. That's right! I am going against the norm and will _not _be having our favourite black-clad ninja going to the beach. Nor will they be going to Disney World, much to the shock of Tobi. No, the Akatsuki will be going to an unusual place, once that most do not go to in crack!fics.

Niagara Falls.

Why Pein picked a waterfall to be their vacation spot is beyond everyone. I mean, how easy would it for Hidan to throw Kakuzu over the waterfall? Or Itachi, for that matter. Hidan and Itachi don't get along very well, especially when it comes to Hidan's praying. Itachi was always annoyed with the amount of blood that Hidan spurted onto the walls, which Hidan never cleans up.

I should tell you now that this will not be a fanfiction filled with sappy romance between any 2 members. This is also not a depressing or sad story. This is a fanfiction where a group of insane S-Rank ninja go on a vacation to a big waterfall. If you don't want to read it, then hit 'backspace' on your keyboard or whatever the hell it says. I guess it depends on whatever type of computer you have. But if you would like to read about the antics about said ninja, then read ahead!

But before I start this lovely tale of our favourite S-Rank ninja, I must start with character intros. Why, you ask? Because it's my story, and I can do what I want with it!

Many will wonder why Pein, the leader of this motley crue, decided to take a vacation. The truth is, Pein needed to get some fresh air. And who wouldn't? I'm sure I would too, especially if I had Hidan in a group, trying to get everyone in sight to convert to Jashinism. But that's beside the point. Pein also loves travelling. He and Konan went to Vegas for a vacation. Some of the Akatsuki (Deidara and Tobi) thought that they were going to get married, but were surprised when the 2 came back unhitched. When Pein suggested going on a vacation, Tobi immediately suggested Disney World. But since Pein has a drinking problem (he once downed 5 bottles of sake and tried to jump off the roof. Needless to say, Konan kept the alcoholic beverages in her room under lock and key from that time forward) and Disney World most likely didn't sell alcohol, Disney World was shot down instantaneously.

Every evil organization needs comic relief. That is Tobi. Tobi loves anything cute and cuddly and has been known to scream at Hidan saying, "Give back my pink fuzzy bunny!!!" at the top of his lungs, much to the annoyance of Sasori. Tobi, however, is very good-natured and doesn't mean to harm anyone intentionally. On the other hand, he annoys the rest of Akatsuki by watching Blues Clues or Dora the Explorer at 3 in the morning and yelling "Swiper, no swiping!" at anyone in the general vicinity.

Sasori is the puppet maker of the group. Because of this, he frequently has to make puppets for Tobi so the latter can use them in his puppet shows that he forces everyone to watch. He gets into frequent arguments with Deidara over the definition of art, which annoys the other members to no end. Sasori isn't one to joke around with when he is in a bad mood. When Kisame asked him for a piece of paper when Sasori was in a bad mood, the latter spun Kisame in a circle by his ankles and flung him into a wall. From that moment on, everyone in Akatsuki vowed to leave Sasori alone when he was mad.

Deidara is well known for blasting loud rock music like HIM, Dir en Grey, System of a Down and Nightwish in the middle of the night. This usually results in Itachi and Deidara wrestling each other in the living room while Hidan tried to figure out how to turn the blonde's stereo off. He also goes on random tangents about his art and won't listen to a word anyone says about it. Deidara loves his anime. He'll watch anything from _Death Note_ to _Kare Kano _and keeps piles of anime in his room. Deidara also loves his yaoi, for unknown reasons. Kakuzu found the blonde in his room one day, reading _Gravitation _much to the confusion of Kakuzu. When the rest of Akatsuki found out that their beloved blonde was obsessed with smut, they passed it off. One had to be careful where they walked when Deidara was around because he was known for leaving explosive birds lying around. If you stepped on one, well, what do you think would happen?

Kakuzu is the monetary advisor of the group. He is the self-proclaimed "Treasurer" and handles all of the money. This would explain why he has the largest amount of money in the group. He balances his checkbook every night at dinner and checks it over at least 4 times before pronouncing it balanced. Before Hidan was in the group, the stitched-nin would kill every single one of his partners on the day they arrived. Hidan became his partner so Kakuzu could vent out his anger on the Jashinist and still have a partner. This works well, as Kakuzu could cut off Hidan's head and the latter would still be alive and well. Well, he'd be missing his head, but, really, who needs a head?

Hidan is the religious member of the Akatsuki. But he's not religious in the sense that you, my lovely reader, are probably thinking of. Hidan is a member of Jashinism, so he is always praying to Jashin whenever he gets the chance. This includes right before starting a battle. An advantage to Hidan's Jashinism is his Immortality. The Akatsuki discovered this ability when Sasori threw a rather sharp kitchen knife at Kisame, but missed at hit Hidan instead. Sasori was rather shocked to find that Hidan was still alive and well with a knife protruding from his chest. Saying that Hidan has a bit of a temper is a grave understatement. When Deidara unknowingly interrupted his praying session, Hidan threw his already blood-covered scythe at Deidara to make sure he left him alone.

Itachi is a fearsome member in only one sense: His Sharingan. Every single Akatsuki member made sure to avoid looking straight into his eyes when Itachi was in a fowl mood. The infamous Sharingan is not something to be taken lightly. Especially when the user is Uchiha Itachi. One thing that no other member, not even Kisame, knew was that Itachi likes sweets. No one would guess that an Uchiha would like something sweet; it just wasn't like an Uchiha. However, Itachi kept a stash of sweets like Gummi Worms and Skittles under his bed in a box that was marked as 'knives'. Itachi is an avid video game player, as was his partner, Kisame. Itachi and Kisame combined had just about every video game on the planet. Kisame's favourites were Final Fantasy VII and Kingdom Hearts 2, while Itachi liked Kingdom Hearts RE: Chain of Memories, Final Fantasy X and Final Fantasy IV.

Kisame is the sword user of the Akatsuki. His sword, Sharkskin, was almost covered in wraps because it was so sharp. Kisame has the tendency to use his water ability to blackout the hideout, much to the annoyance of the other members. When this occurs, it takes several hours for Deidara, Sasori and Konan to figure out how to get the lights working again. While this is happening, however, Kakuzu is raving about how much money they are saving by not using electricity. Like his partner, Kisame loves his video games. It is advised that he is not disturbed when he is playing video games, as he will likely harm you. Badly. Other then that, Kisame's pretty calm and a good friend to have in the Akatsuki. He's calmer than Itachi and Hidan, to say the least.

Zetsu is an unusual individual. I mean, he's a plant! How often do you see someone with a Venus Fly Trap for a head? Not very often. And don't tell me you've seen someone like that. Zetsu has 2 sides; black and white. The two sides frequently converse with each other, which makes some members (Sasori and Hidan) think that he's crazy. No one knows where he's from either, which makes Deidara wonder if he's a failed experiment created by a psychopathic scientist. Zetsu has no partner. Whether this is because he scared them off or not is uncertain. But Zetsu is very good at spying. That has to be hard. How can you hide if you're a plant?

And now, may I present the odd man out? Or should I say woman?

Poor Konan. It must be annoying living with all those men being so loud and obnoxious. It's a small wonder that she's still sane. Maybe she just ignores them…anyway, Konan is the only girl in Akatsuki. Her blue hair is a little unusual, but this is Akatsuki. All the weird people come here! She's the brain of the group and has a set of encyclopaedias in her room, as well as several dozen dictionaries and a thesaurus. Let's face it, Konan's smart. No denying it. Her room is covered with origami. She even has origami cranes hanging from the ceiling.

Now that I've bored you all to death with my descriptions of the motley crue that is Akatsuki, the _real_ story will be starting. However, you will need to wait for Shiva knows how long when I feel like updating. That means I could update next week or next year. It most likely will be the former, though I cannot say for sure. It depends on how many computers are open at my school library during lunch. Now, since you have read the first chapter of this conglomeration, you _will _review this chapter and favourite and whatever else is offered on the bottom left corner of your screen. I commend those who have even gotten this far and haven't keeled over. If you've read this far, the good stuff is soon to come.

**was I random enough? I'll get much more random in the next chapter, promise! review?**

**next chapter: Akatsuki's reaction to the trip**


	2. The Start of the Dreaded Vacation

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Akatsuki. I don't think they'd let me. What do you think?**

**It's Mika-chan! Thanks to those who reviewed. I hope this chapter is a little better than the last one. I'm getting the feeling that I'm not being random enough. let me know. Like i said, this is my first crack! fic, so I'm new to the ideas. anyway...on with the deadly tale!**

Now that you all are probably sick and tired of waiting for the next chapter, I will start this conglomeration of a story about the motley crue that is Akatsuki. So sit back and get ready to relax. But first kill the annoying little kid next door so he won't interrupt you while reading this lovely tale.

It was a simple day at the Akatsuki hideout. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, Hidan was cursing violently at Kakuzu…All was well.

For 10 minutes.

Sasori was fast asleep in his bed, dreaming about taking over the world with his puppets when his bedroom door flew open with a bang and his smut-loving partner ran into the room.

"Danna! Danna! Wake up, un!"

"Go away, brat." Sasori groaned, burying his head in the pillows.

"But Leader-sama says you have to get up!" Deidara pulled Sasori off the bed, causing the redhead to fall to the ground with a crash.

"Deidara…" Sasori growled.

"Come on, Danna." Sasori assumed that Hidan had given Deidara coffee. I mean, when else is Deidara this hyper?

Deidara skipped (yes, skipped) out of the room. Rolling his eyes, Sasori put on his cloak, tamed his hair and walked out to the living room, where all of the Akatsuki was seated.

"What's going on?" Sasori asked.

"We are…" Konan began.

"Does this have to do with pencils?" Sasori said randomly.

"No."

"Glue?"

"No."

"Gum?"

"No."

"Chainsaws?"

"No."

"Hidan wearing a-"

"Shut it, Sasori." Kakuzu snapped from the couch.

Pein cleared his throat in an attempt to call order to the group.

"We are going on a vacation."

"Yea!!!" Deidara jumped up and down.

"Where?" Zetsu's white side and Hidan asked.

"To Niagara Falls."

"Niagara Falls?" all of the Akatsuki except for Konan yelped.

"Why Niagara falls?" Kakuzu asked. "Do you want Hidan to push me over or something?"

"I thought we could all do with a break." Pein said.

"But Niagara Falls?" Itachi looked at Pein in confusion.

"I can't take my Wii." Kisame said sadly.

"Take your DS." Itachi told his partner.

"Yea!!!" Kisame exclaimed.

"How are we getting there?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"By van." Konan said.

"You mean one of those vans that can hold a bunch of people?" Tobi asked.

"Yes, Tobi." Pein said.

"Can I take my DVD player and watch _Dora the Explorer_?" Tobi asked hopefully.

"No." Hidan, Itachi and Sasori said as one.

"So when are we leaving?" Zetsu's black side asked.

"In 2 hours."

"2 hours?!" Kakuzu, Sasori, Hidan and Itachi said together.

"Too late?" Pein frowned.

"Too soon!" Deidara exclaimed. "I can't pack all of my exploding clay in such a short time, un!"

"No clay, Deidara." Sasori hissed. "Got it?"

"I guess so…" Deidara said sadly.

"Right." Pein said. "Meet me out front in 2 hours."

"Where are you going?" Tobi asked.

"I have to fetch the van." Pein said, standing up and walking out the door.

No one spoke for a few moments before Tobi yelled, "VACATION!!!"

"Tobi, say one more word and I will sacrifice you to Jashin-sama." Hidan glared at Tobi with amethyst eyes.

"NO!!!" Tobi shrieked like he had just seen Frank Iero running away from the Nine-Tailed Fox and a mad axe-man.

"Shut up, Tobi!" Itachi yelled.

"We should get packing." Konan said. "You know how Pein is…"

"And I don't like keeping people waiting." Sasori said, walking off to his room.

* * *

Hidan stood in front of his open suitcase, making sure that everything was ready to go. He had his Bible, his hair gel, his spare necklace in case Tobi or Deidara broke his first, glue for Sasori's puppets and 600 little packs of powdered Kool-aid. His crimson red scythe was leaning against the wall, waiting to be loaded into the van whenever Pein decided to come back. So what else was he missing? Of course! He crossed the room to his desk, where his iPod was lying peacefully in the drawer, nice and clean underneath the black protector covered with the Jashin symbol. He zipped his suitcase shut and put his iPod in his backpack that he was going to take out to the van. Backpack, suitcase and scythe in hand, the Jashinist walked out of his room and into the living room to find Kakuzu with a simple backpack waiting by the couch.

"Is that all you're taking?" Hidan frowned.

"My other stuff's in my room." Kakuzu shook his head.

"Maybe we'll get to have some sex during this vacation." Hidan grinned maliciously.

"If Deidara doesn't interrupt us." Kakuzu said.

The last time that Hidan and Kakuzu were having sex, Deidara made the unfortunate decision to interrupt them in the middle of it. Of course, Deidara had no idea what they were doing. But Hidan was very protective of Kakuzu and threw his clock at the blonde, causing the latter to run out of the room and hide behind the couch for the remainder of the day.

"Maybe Tobi will leave us alone." Hidan said.

"But Tobi hasn't bugged us yet." Kakuzu frowned.

"But he might." Hidan said. "He gets in the way of everything else we do."

"Too true." Kakuzu agreed.

* * *

"He's late."

Everyone was waiting outside the hideout for Pein, who still hadn't returned with the van. They had been waiting outside for at least half an hour after the time that Pein had told them to be ready. Consequently, Hidan was now curled up in a ball on the ground, sleeping.

"I hate waiting." Sasori folded his arms in front of his chest.

"We know." Everyone but Hidan said as one.

"Konan, where did Pein go for the van?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"I have no idea." Konan said. "Not very far, though."

"He sure is taking forever." Tobi sighed.

"At least we have stuff to do." Kisame said, who was playing _Metroid Fusion_ on his DS.

"Save it for the car, Kisame." Itachi told his partner.

"But I wanna play now!" Kisame whined, sounding very much like Tobi.

"Cut it out, Kisame." Zetsu's black side said. "You sound like Tobi."

"Hey!" Tobi yelled.

"Where _is_ he?" Deidara was getting tired of waiting. "He should be here by now, un."

"No kidding?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes. He nudged Hidan with his foot and said, "Wake up, Hidan."

"Let me sleep." Came Hidan's tired reply.

"Come on, Hidan, wake up." Konan said. "Hopefully we won't be waiting that much longer."

10 minutes later, Pein finally came back with the van.

"What took so long?" Deidara demanded.

"Traffic." Pein said as they loaded the luggage into the back of the van.

"Right…" Hidan rolled his amethyst eyes.

After all of the luggage was safely in the back of the van, everyone clambered into the van, trying not to step on one another.

"So who is driving?" Tobi asked, who couldn't see because Sasori's head was in the way.

"Pein." Konan said.

"Oh shit." Hidan made to get out of the van. "Let me out."

"Why?" Konan frowned.

"I'm not going to be in the same car that Leader is driving." Hidan said.

"Just shut up, Hidan." Itachi said, Sharingan eyes focused on the book he was reading.

"Shall we get started then?" Tobi asked as Pein started the van.

"This is gonna be hell." Sasori looked out of his window, wondering if he was going to survive this vacation.

**I'm nervous about this already...review?**

**next chapter: what does Deidara do that makes Hidan want to kill himself?**


	3. Car Rides with Tobi and Deidara

**Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki, Niagara Falls, Canada or anything else I mentioned.**

**It's Mika-chan! I thought this was a fun chapter to write. I have a Nazi story due for Creative Writing on Thursday, so i was working on that yesterday when i wanted to write this. I might make a Nazi AkuRoku story. Or KakuHi. There aren't enough KakuHi fanfics out there...well, enjoy!**

The van was fairly quiet, which was very odd. I mean, when is Akatsuki ever quiet? I sure as hell don't know. But when it's quiet, something's going to happen. And it's not going to be pretty.

"What's back here?"

Kakuzu reached back into the back where the food was kept when he produced a small wooden foot. Confused, he showed his find to the rest of Akatsuki.

"Sasori, did you bring your puppets?" Pein asked warily.

"Of course!" Sasori exclaimed, as though this was to be expected of him. "When do I _not_ have my puppets?"

"Too true." Konan said from the front passenger's seat.

"But why, un?" Deidara questioned, looking up from his Game Boy Advance SP.

"Deidara, you're his partner." Hidan said, amethyst eyes focused on his Bible. "You should know better than anyone."

"Good point, un." Deidara said, eyes returning to his game.

"What are you playing, Deidara?" Kisame asked, pausing his own game.

"_Yoshi's Island_." Deidara said.

"I beat that in about 2 hours." Kisame said. "It was easy!"

"I've already beaten it, un." Deidara said.

"What do you have, Kisame?" Itachi asked, leaning against the window.

"Final Fantasy III for DS." Kisame replied.

"Did you bring _Phantom Hourglass_?" Deidara asked.

"The Zelda one?" the shark-nin frowned. "Of course!"

"I hope you didn't bring every single game you own." Konan said as she put in a cd.

"Of course not!" Kisame exclaimed. "Only my favourites."

A few seconds later, music filled the car. Konan only listened to soundtracks, so that's what she brought on the trip.

"What in the name of Jashin-sama is this?" Hidan asked, looking revolted.

"_The Phantom of the Opera_." Konan replied.

"Turn that shit off." Hidan said, eyes still glued to his Bible.

"Dei, did you bring anything?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"Of course, un!" Deidara reached into his bag and pulled out about 50 cds.

"I don't think we'll need that many." Sasori said, leaning on the seat in front of him.

"Which one do you guys wanna listen to?" Deidara asked.

"Disturbed or Coheed and Cambria." Hidan said.

"Finger Eleven." Kisame answered.

"Green Day." Itachi chimed in.

"Too many answers!" Deidara yelped.

"What's Tobi doing?" Pein asked. "I haven't heard from him in a while."

"Watching something on his DVD player with his headphones." Kakuzu replied.

"At least he's quiet." Zetsu's white side said.

"He's never quiet." Zetsu's black side retorted.

"Sometimes he is." The white side said.

"Not while we were tanning." The black side reminded the other.

"Well, he always runs in and tries to fry us." The white side said.

"Zetsu, keep the talking to yourself to a minimum, please." Kakuzu said. "It creeps me out."

Tobi took his headphones out of his ears, turned of his DVD player and said, "Are we there yet?"

"Tobi, we've been driving for 3 hours." Sasori said. "What do you think?"

"No?"

"Right."

"Awwww."

"How about Rage Against the Machine, un?"

"No, Deidara."

"We can listen to the soundtrack from Dora the Explorer!"

"No!" all of the Akatsuki yelled in unison.

"Let's just listen to Evanescence." Deidara said, handing Konan a cd.

"Hey, Kisame, can I play your DS?" Tobi asked the shark-nin.

"You messed up the screen the last time, so no." Kisame said.

Tobi scowled, but fell silent. After a few moments, he said, "Are we there yet."

"What did Sasori just tell you?" Hidan asked.

"No."

"Tobi, do you see a big waterfall yet?" Kakuzu asked.

"No…"

"There's your answer." The stitched-nin pulled out his checkbook and a calculator.

"Again, Kakuzu?" Zetsu's white side asked as Tobi started singing "The Song that Never Ends"

"Of course." Kakuzu said.

"Shut the fuck up, Tobi!" Hidan yelled.

"Hidan, unless you want me to drive into a ditch, shut your fucking mouth!" Pein yelled from the driver's seat.

"Then tell Tobi to shut his fucking mouth!" Hidan yelled in reply.

"Shut it, Tobi." Itachi, Deidara and Pein yelled at once.

"But I like it…" Tobi pouted.

"But it's annoying." Itachi said, returning to his book.

"Tobi, is it possible to do something quiet?" Konan asked.

"I don't think so." Tobi said.

"I thought so, un." Deidara muttered under his breath.

"Does anyone know if the hotel has a sun room?" Zetsu's white side asked.

Deidara looked at Zetsu in confusion.

"Why, un?"

"Because we need to get a tan." Zetsu's white side said.

"They have a sauna, Zetsu." Pein said. "I don't know about a sun room."

A series of loud bangs filled the car. Everyone turned to look at Deidara, who dove into his bag and pulled out several clay birds.

"What," Sasori glared at his partner, "did I tell you before we left, Deidara?"

"Not to bring clay?" Deidara guessed.

"So why did you bring some?"

"I dunno, un?"

"Dei, how much did you bring?" Pein asked.

"Enough to keep me occupied." Deidara said.

"And that is…?" Hidan pressed.

"Not a lot, un." Deidara said.

They finally reached the Canadian border a few hours later, where they were subjected to customs. When examining the trunk, the officers found Hidan's scythe. Surprisingly, they didn't say anything about it and let them pass.

"Why the hell did you bring your scythe, Hidan?" Itachi looked at Hidan with Sharingan eyes.

"You never know when you need to kill someone." Hidan said. "Besides, I need it for my praying session."

"Use a kitchen knife." Sasori suggested.

"It has to be my scythe, you heathen!" Hidan exclaimed.

"You bleed profusely anyway." Deidara shrugged. "What difference does it make, un?"

"Here it comes…" Kakuzu said, knowing that Deidara had said the wrong thing.

"Don't start, Hidan." Pein said.

Hidan scowled, but leaned back in his seat. He knew that if he defied an order from Pein, he could very well get kicked out of Akatsuki and Hidan didn't want that at all.

"How much longer?" Tobi asked.

"Not much." Konan said.

"So shut up, Tobi." Deidara said.

It was now that Pein was starting to doubt bringing the Akatsuki to Niagara Falls. What on Earth had he been thinking? He was letting a group of S-rank ninja around a thousand foot high waterfall. Hopefully, all of the members would return safely and Hidan wouldn't push Kakuzu over the side of the waterfall.

**I can't wait 'till they actually get there. oh teh things i have planned...review?**

**next chapter: Room assignments!**


	4. Room Assignments

**Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki. I don't think they'd let me. Hidan alone might murder me...**

**It's Mika-chan! i finished this chapter a few minutes ago, adn i decided to update while i'm working on a Death Note video. I'm almost done the series! but i had to skip a few books becasue they weren't in at the library...so i'll be reading it online in a few! on with the deadly tale!**

Finally, after several long hours of Hidan cursing to the point of no return, Tobi singing "The Song that Never Ends", Kisame ranting about Final Fantasy VII coming out with a new game that he just _had _to buy and more of Deidara's clay exploding, the motley crue that is Akatsuki reached the hotel. Man, that's a run-on sentence if I ever saw one. Anyway, everyone was unloading their luggage as Pein went and checked in. Hidan was trying to bring in his scythe, but Itachi saw him and told him to leave it in the van.

"It's my fucking scythe, so I'll take it wherever the fuck I want." Hidan isn't known for his clean language.

"But it'll look weird if you bring a giant scythe into the hotel." Itachi said, glaring at the Jashinist with Sharingan eyes. "Besides, we're likely to get arrested."

"That and the fact that we're S-Rank ninja." Kisame joined in the conversation.

"So?" Hidan glared at Kisame.

"So…" Kisame continued. "We're some of the most wanted ninja in the whole bloody country right now."

"So why the fuck are we taking a fucking vacation in Niagara fucking Falls?" Hidan demanded.

"How the Shiva would I know?" Itachi exclaimed.

"Itachi! Hidan! Kisame!" Konan yelled from the front. "Get your asses in gear!"

"Uchiha won't let me bring my scythe in." Hidan said.

"It'll attract too much attention." The Uchiha said.

"Wait until we get checked in." Konan said. "We'll have to sneak it in somehow."

"I don't see why I can't bring it in now." Hidan said as he stowed his scythe back in the van. "I mean, Jashin-sama doesn't care if I'm an S-rank ninja on the run from society."

"But Leader-sama does, un." Deidara said, entering the conversation.

"Why are you even in the conversation?!" Hidan yelled at Deidara, causing the blonde to slink away in terror.

"Leave the kid alone, Hidan." Sasori said.

After a few minutes of waiting, Pein came back outside.

"What took so long?" Konan asked.

"There was an incredibly deaf couple in front of me." Pein rolled his eyes. "I swear, we should just finish them off while we're here."

"I'll do the honours." Hidan said, grinning maliciously.

"Don't get any ideas, Hidan." Kakuzu said, linking arms with his partner.

"Everyone is grouped with their partners." Pein said. "Except for Tobi and Zetsu."

"Oh no…" Zetsu's black side said.

"He might not be bad." Zetsu's white side said.

"That's what you think." Zetsu's black side said.

Pein cleared his throat, which caused Zetsu to stop arguing with himself. That's just weird. I mean, how often to you see someone arguing with themselves? Unless they have some type of mental illness and have no control over it…I wonder what mental illness the Akatsuki members have? I bet Hidan would have Tourette's…why else would he randomly yell obscenities at the top of his lungs?

"Zetsu, please stop arguing with yourself." Pein said. "It scares Tobi."

And indeed, Tobi was cowering in fear behind Kakuzu, who was trying to space himself from the orange-masked ninja.

"Meet down at the lobby tomorrow morning around 9." Pein told his motley crue. "We're going to the botanical garden tomorrow morning."

"Yea!!" both of Zetsu's sides exclaimed.

"We're going to look at flowers all morning?" Hidan raised his eyebrows. "Help me, Jashin-sama."

"Leader-sama, can I take my camera, un?" Deidara asked.

"I don't see why not." Pein said.

"Deidara, do you want naked pictures of Sasori by the flowers?" Kisame snickered.

"No, un!" Deidara flushed bright scarlet.

"Shut it, Shark Boy." Sasori said.

He grabbed the room key from Pein, seized Deidara by the arm and walked off into the hotel.

"Hold it, Danna!" Deidara squirmed to free himself from the Puppet Master's grasp.

Sasori let go of Deidara's arm and waited for the blonde to get the rest of his suitcases from the van. When at last Deidara was ready, the pair marched up the stairs to the 6th floor and found the room marked 457. Sasori slid the key card into the slot and walked inside.

The room was the oddest shade of orange that either Akatsuki had ever laid eyes on. The carpet was paisley green, purple, blue and mauve with tints of pink, which disgusted the Puppet Master. Hey, I feel for him. I hate pink, too. It is without a doubt the worst bloody colour in the world…rantings aside…2 beds were on one side of the wall with a small bedside table between them. On top of said table was a lamp that reminded Deidara of Medieval Europe. The kind that you see in "Gothic" cathedrals. I use quotes because I am _very_ anti-label. The window showed a magnificent view of the waterfall.

"Whoa, un!" Deidara breathed as he set his luggage down by his bed.

"Whoever designed this room must've been high." Sasori said, noting the very obvious clash in colours.

"But it's nice, un!" Deidara was now looking out the window at the waterfall.

"I'm talking about the room, my idiot partner." Sasori joined Deidara at the window. "I don't know what _you're _talking about."

A knock at the door told them that someone was waiting outside. Deidara dashed over to the door and opened it to find Itachi and Kisame.

"Hi!" Deidara exclaimed, standing back to let the other 2 inside.

"It's nice in here." Kisame said.

"Nice?" Sasori stared at the shark-nin in confusion. "Kisame, are you're eyes ok?"

"This is great compared to our room." Itachi explained, looking around the horrid room with Sharingan eyes. "It looks like Tobi puked on the walls."

"That's just gross." Deidara pulled a face.

"Yes, Dei, it is." Kisame said. "I'm trying to convince Leader-sama to let us switch rooms, but I don't think he's buying it."

"Why not?" Sasori frowned. "If I had a room with walls like that, I'd want to change."

"He doesn't want to be near the deaf couple again." Itachi shrugged.

"Go figure." Kisame rolled his eyes.

Deidara had taken out his camera and was now taking pictures of the waterfall through the window. With his fairly expensive camera, might I add? Sasori shook his head at his partner's foolishness. What else was bound to go wrong during this vacation?

**sorry it's so short. i couldn't think of anything else to add. Zetsu is going to have a hay day at the gardens...review?**

**next chapter: letting Zetsu loose in a garden is NOT a good idea**


	5. Morning

**Disclaimer: I own the idea. that's it. **

**It's Mika-chan! sorry for the long wait. I was unmotivated to write this...but i love this one. lots of KakuHi. there isn't enough KakuHi...on with the deadly tale!**

Sasori was sleeping peacefully in his bed when horrible music suddenly filled the room. Sitting bolt upright, the puppet master looked around and found Deidara's silver iPod Nano in its iHome. Not far away was Deidara, who was dancing around in a circle, spinning around very fast with his eyes shut: a sure sign of danger.

"Deidara!" Sasori yelled. "Turn it off!"

Deidara stopped dancing, looked at Sasori, scowled and turned off the iPod.

"What _was_ that?" Sasori asked as he got out of bed.

"_Agitated Screams of Maggots_ by Dir en Grey." Deidara said.

"I'm not going to ask." Sasori pulled on his cloak. "What time is it?"

"We have plenty of time, un." Deidara said. "It's only 8:30."

"Deidara, half-an-hour is not 'plenty of time'." Sasori made quotation marks in the air.

"It is to me." Deidara shrugged. "Are you gonna shower now?"

"I can't take a shower!" Sasori looked at his partner in horror. "Unless you want me to decompose."

"I forgot you were a puppet, un." Deidara said, looking out the window.

"How do you forget I'm a puppet?" Sasori frowned. "All the times we've had sex and you still forget I'm a puppet?"

"That's because you don't act like a puppet." Deidara said.

"Yes, that's a good thing." Sasori rolled his eyes.

"But it's weird that you never eat." Deidara said.

"I don't need to eat." Sasori shrugged. "Deidara, we've had this discussion before."

"I know."

A knock at the door told the pair that someone was waiting outside. Deidara went to answer it and as soon as he did, he let out an "Eep!" and ran to hide behind Sasori. Hidan walked into the room, scythe in hand, chest covered in blood. It was almost as if the Jashinist had been in battle. Hidan fighting…Shiva, no one wants to see that. _I_ don't want to imagine that. Hidan's crazy enough as it is…

"What, Hidan?" Sasori asked in a bored voice that one usually uses when talking about the weather.

"Kakuzu kicked me out." Hidan said. "Can I pray in here?"

"Hell no!" Sasori yelled. "You'll spurt blood everywhere, as I'm sure you did in your room!"

"Too true." Hidan said. "Actually, I wanted to use your shower. Kakuzu's using it now."

"Are you done, Deidara?" Sasori asked his partner, who was still cowering behind the puppet master.

"Yes, un." Deidara said.

"I won't be long." Hidan said, setting the scythe against wall as he walked into the bathroom.

"He needs to stop this self-infliction." Sasori shook his head.

"What now, un?" Deidara asked, venturing over to the dresser where his camera was in its case.

"We wait for Hidan, what else?" Sasori shrugged.

"Wait, were we supposed to have breakfast before we leave?" Deidara asked.

"I guess so." Sasori said, "Why, didn't you eat?"

"Nope." Deidara said.

He walked over to the fridge where he had stored a bunch of snacks the previous night. He pulled out a bag of Goldfish, tore open the bag and started eating.

"You don't eat Goldfish for breakfast, brat!" Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Oh well." Deidara said.

15 minutes later, Sasori and Deidara were waiting for Hidan so they could head downstairs. But the Jashinist was still in the bathroom.

"What are you doing, Hidan?!" Sasori demanded. "We need to hurry up!"

"I'll get there when I get there." Hidan snapped.

Sasori rolled his eyes and turned to face Deidara, who was standing ready with his camera.

"He's probably doing something with his hair again."

"I heard that!" came Hidan's annoyed voice.

"Good." Sasori said.

Hidan walked out of the bathroom, wet hair slicked back.

"What took you, un?" Deidara frowned.

"I had to use gel my hair, didn't I?" Hidan said.

"No." Sasori said. "Let's get going. We don't want to keep Leader waiting."

The three made their way down to the lobby, where all but Zetsu were present.

"Where's plant boy?" Hidan asked as he reached Kakuzu.

"He got lost on his way back from the sauna." Itachi rolled his Sharingan eyes.

"It's on the roof!" Hidan exclaimed as he wrapped his arm around Kakuzu's waist.

"I know, I know." Itachi said.

"I wanna get going!" Tobi jumped up and down.

"Does anyone want to go looking for him?" Sasori suggested.

"We stay put." Pein said moodily. "I don't want Deidara and Tobi loose in this hotel."

"That's a lot, un." Deidara scowled.

"Plant boy better hurry up." Kisame said, looking at his watch. "We'll miss the bus."

"Bus?" Tobi cocked his head in a confused manner.

"Did you think we were walking?" Pein frowned.

"I hoped so." Tobi said.

"Tobi, the garden is almost 3 miles away!" Hidan exclaimed.

"We walk that far anyway." Deidara shrugged, taking his camera out.

"Put the camera away, Deidara." Pein ordered.

"But I wanna take pictures, un." Deidara whined.

"Of what?"

Zetsu approached the group. Finally. And I'm sure that if he had to wait another minute, Hidan would have started a riot right in the middle of the hotel. I can see the headlines now: _Jashinist Starts Riots In Wait Of Venus Fly Trap Friend_. Shiva………..

"About time, Zetsu." Hidan said, dragging Kakuzu by the hand out to the parking lot.

"_Some_one's anxious." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Hidan's a _little _bit obvious when it comes to his love for Kakuzu." Konan rolled her eyes.

"Let's get going." Pein said.

Once they got on the bus, the Akatsuki was forced to spread out to keep their cover. Partners were kept together, of course. Zetsu was forced to sit in the back of the bus with Hidan and Kakuzu. Tobi was very excited and kept running up and down the aisle, annoying everyone. Deidara, for once, was being very quiet. Maybe he was trying to show Sasori that he could behave, unlike a certain orange-masked ninja, who was jumping up and down next to a very annoyed Kisame.

"Tobi, we're here." Itachi told the hyperactive ninja after about 10 minutes.

"Yea!" Tobi squealed.

The bus stopped at the botanical garden a few moments later. All of the Akatsuki left, much to the relief of the other passengers. Sasori had to pry Hidan and Kakuzu apart, since they were makin' out in the back of the bus. Poor Zetsu. Having to deal with Hidan and Kakuzu makin' out next to him. And Hidan is very aggressive, from what I've heard.

The Akatsuki decided that they would wait at a park for a while, since they were about an hour earlier than they had to be, thanks to Itachi's wonderful watch telling them that they were an hour late when in actuality they were an hour early.

"Get that watch fixed, Uchiha." Zetsu's white side said.

"Don't tell me what to do, Zetsu." Itachi glared at Zetsu with Sharingan eyes.

"Sasori and Deidara!" Pein yelled suddenly. "Stop having sex in the rose bush!"

Deidara's head popped out of the bush, followed by Sasori's a few seconds later.

"Come on, Leader-sama!" Deidara whined.

"We're in public, Deidara." Itachi said.

"Most people don't want to see 2 gay guys having sex in a bush to begin with." Kisame smiled.

Deidara scowled, but came out of the rose bush, after first putting his cloak on. Sasori followed a few moments later, covered with thorns.

"At least you can't feel them, un." Deidara smiled as he picked thorns out of his lover's hair.

"I know." Sasori smiled in response.

"We'd better get going." Itachi said, checking his cell phone this time.

"Wait!" Zetsu's white side said. "Everyone check your cell phones for the right time."

"Oh, shut up." Itachi said, grabbing Kisame by the arm and dragging him toward the entrance.

"Wait a minute…" Sasori frowned. "Where are Kakuzu and Hidan?"

Everyone looked around for the missing pair, but they were nowhere to be found.

"I have an idea…" Konan said, walking behind a nearby garden shed.

A few moments later, it was assumed that she had found them. Why is this? Because she started yelling.

"What in hell are you guys doing back here?! We're ready to go and you're back here having sex behind a shed?!"

"She really shouldn't be yelling…" Itachi closed his eyes, trying to block out the lewd image of Hidan and Kakuzu having sex.

"Why is everyone having sex today?" Tobi asked.

"No idea, Tobi." Kisame said with a shrug.

"Because we feel like it, un!" Deidara exclaimed, pulling Sasori closer to him.

"Come on, Konan." Pein rolled his eyes.

There were sounds of a struggle, which included Hidan cursing repeatedly before Konan emerged with Hidan and Kakuzu, both looking very annoyed.

"About time." Kisame said.

"Is everyone here?" Pein asked wearily.

"Yep!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Let's get this started, then." Pein said.

And the motley crue that is Akatsuki walked into the botanical garden, completely oblivious of the horrors that awaited them.

**Hidan and Kakuzu having sex behind a shed...I'd love to see that happen. review?**

**next chapter: letting Zetsu loose in a botanical garden is like letting a bull loose in a china shop**


	6. Hidan botanical garden chaos

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Well, nothing related to this fanfic.**

**It's Mika-chan! I had a blast writing this! I actually went to Niagara Falls and went to a botanical garden. But i don't really remember it...i love the end! Shutting up now! on with the deadly tale!**

Pein should have known better than to bring the Akatsuki into a botanical garden. Hidan would be complaining for hours on end about how boring it was. Zetsu, on the other hand, would be running around the place like a bull in a china shop.

That is exactly what happened.

As soon as they walked through the door, Zetsu was gone. After much searching, the Akatsuki found their Venus Fly Trap talking to a shrub. Yes, talking. I didn't say the guy was sane, did I?

Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Sasori, Itachi and Kisame ventured off to the maze that was located in the middle of the garden. Konan and Pein were finding out information on their other stops. Tobi, on the other hand, was at the pond trying to talk to the fish. This didn't work well because every time he stuck his head underwater, Tobi would need to come up for air.

That being said, let's move on to the maze, ne?

"Partners stay together." Itachi said when they had reached the maze entrance. "Whoever gets through the maze first gets my share of chocolate ice cream, ok?"

For reasons unexplained, Uchiha Itachi hated chocolate ice cream. No one knew why. He liked every other flavour except chocolate. For this reason, Itachi frequently used chocolate ice cream as a bribe.

"And no killing people, Hidan." Kisame added as he grabbed his lover's hand and walked off into the maze.

"Don't tell me what to do, Shark Boy!" Hidan yelled back as he followed with Kakuzu, leaving Sasori and Deidara at the entrance, looking stupidly at each other.

"Are we going in or not, un?" Deidara asked.

"I guess so." Sasori said.

The two entered the maze. After a few minutes, the Akatsuki pair could only conclude one thing.

They were lost.

"I don't know where I am!" Deidara screamed, running around in circles around a very annoyed Sasori.

"Shut up, Deidara." Sasori rolled his eyes. "Half of Canada could hear you."

* * *

And now we cut to the paranoid leader of this motley crue and his lover.

Pein and Konan were talking to one of those people who help out at gardens. I don't know what they're called…no, they're not gardeners! I don't know. Anyway, they weren't having much luck.

"How about the glass museum?" the guide named Mindy suggested.

"Hidan will start a riot." Pein shook his head as he leaned on the counter.

"Then what about this lovely under the falls tour?" Mindy suggested.

That's it! Those people are called tour guides! Ha ha! Told you they weren't gardeners…moving on…

"That sounds nice." Konan said.

"Provided that Itachi doesn't throw Tobi over the side." Pein said with a smile.

Mindy looked somewhat shocked, but said nothing.

"Ok. That's it." Pein said. "Thanks for your help."

And with that, Konan and Pein walked off to try to find Zetsu.

* * *

And we now cut to the Venus Fly Trap man himself.

Zetsu was as happy as a kid at Christmas. He was in a place full of other "beings" like himself. Well, he was with other flowers. I didn't mean people with plants for heads. But you get what I'm trying to say, right?

He walked over to a Bleeding Heart that was sitting peacefully in a terra cotta pot on the edge of a fountain. Zetsu sat down next to the flower and said, "Hello!"

I don't know if Zetsu was expecting a response, but he certainly did not get one. Everyone knows that flowers can't talk. Well, _most_ people did. Anyway, Zetsu got somewhat upset when the flower didn't respond to his greeting. He decided that maybe the flower hadn't heard him and tried another approach. This somehow led Zetsu to utter one of the most boring conversation starters known to mankind.

"Nice weather we're having."

I don't know about you, but if someone said that to me, I'd roll my eyes and walk away, wondering if the person who had said that was sane. But Zetsu isn't like that. He's quite the opposite. He reached the conclusion that the flower was _not_ going to talk to him.

"If that's the way you want it, fine!" Zetsu's black side yelled.

And with that, Zetsu threw the flower, pot and all, in to the fountain. But this wasn't good enough for the Venus Fly Trap. He started throwing other flowers that were in the general vicinity into the fountain. Zetsu has some anger management issues, ne?

* * *

"I'm still lost, un!"

An hour and a half later, Sasori and Deidara were still wandering aimlessly around the maze. Itachi had phoned in saying that he and Kisame had already found a way out. The blonde and redhead had met up with Money Obsesser and the Jashinist and decided to work together to find a way out. So far, the best idea was to slice the hedges down and walk over the side. Need I say who suggested such a hideous idea?

"I still say we should jump the hedge." Hidan said, wrapping his arms around Kakuzu's waist.

"But we'd ruin the maze." Kakuzu pointed out.

"So?" Hidan shrugged.

"I forgot you love chaos." The stitched-nin rolled his eyes.

"How could you forget 'Kuzu?" Hidan questioned.

"We really have no idea where we are?" Sasori said with a sigh.

"Wait!" Hidan turned to Deidara, who was spinning around dangerously in a circle. "Dei, did you bring any clay?"

"I don't think so, un." Deidara said, still spinning. "Why?"

"You can make a clay bird and get us out of here." The Jashinist said.

"I couldn't make one _that_ big, un." Deidara said.

"This is so boring!" Sasori rolled his eyes. "I hate making people wait!"

"So why the Jashin-sama are you here?" Hidan rolled his amethyst eyes.

"Because blondie over here made me come." Sasori said.

"Don't call me blondie, Sasori!" Deidara screeched.

"Wait a minute…" Kakuzu said, stopping abruptly, causing Hidan to crash right into the stitched-nin.

"What the hell?!" Hidan exclaimed.

"I see the exit!" Kakuzu exclaimed.

"Seriously, un?" Deidara asked as he ceased his spinning.

Kakuzu didn't answer. He was running pell-mell to the exit at the end of the corridor. Having said this, Hidan, Sasori and Deidara bolted after him. In the process, there was much elbowing and shoving to determine who would reach the exit first. Needless to say Kakuzu was the victor.

"Damn you, Kakuzu." Hidan said 10 minutes later as they were munching on ice cream at a nearby pond. "You could have dragged me with you."

"There might have been money involved." Kakuzu said with a shrug.

"But there wasn't!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Let's find everyone else." Kisame said as he munched on the last bit of his cone. "We'll need to find Zetsu."

* * *

An hour later, everyone was waiting at the entrance to leave. Well, all but Tobi and Zetsu.

"This is taking forever." Pein said with a sigh. "Sasori and Deidara, go check by the ponds. Kakuzu, you check the food court. Hidan, go check by the park type thing. Itachi, you go by the marsh. Kisame, check the green house. I will go look by the busses."

"And what about me?" Konan asked as everyone else went off to their designated areas.

"Stay here in case they come back." Pein said.

Sasori and Deidara made their way to the ponds. When Zetsu and/or Tobi were not there, the pair decided to sit by the water to avoid more searching.

"What are we going to do when we get back?" Deidara asked.

"How would I know?" Sasori shrugged.

It was then that a series of high-pitched screams could be heard, followed by Hidan's screams of "Get back here, you stupid plant!" Soon, smoke could be seen billowing from the park.

"I guess Hidan found Zetsu." Sasori said.

Deidara's cell phone rang. The blonde answered it.

"What?…Hidan! What are you doing, un?…you don't have to attack him!…did you find Tobi, un?…ok. Call Itachi and tell him…don't start a riot, Hidan. Leader's going to go nuts, un."

It was at this point that a rather large explosion could be heard/ seen. You know, the ones you see when you see videos of the atomic bombs at Nagasaki. It was one of those explosions.

"God dammit, Hidan, un." Deidara said. "Just call Itachi, ok?"

Deidara hung up his phone, rolling his eyes.

"Jashinist found Plant Boy?" Sasori assumed as both men stood up.

"He's chasing him." Deidara rolled his eyes again. "Apparently Hidan interrupted Zetsu's conversation with an orchid."

"I have no comment." Sasori said as more screams erupted in the background. "Are we supposed to find Tobi?"

"I told him to call Itachi, un."

The two walked back to the garden. It looked like Berlin after the Russians invaded. Why do I keep making WWII references? Oh yeah, if anyone is interested in AkuRoku, I started an AkuRoku Nazi fic. Not that has anything to do with Akatsuki or Hidan causing a riot in a botanical garden.

No one seemed to notice as Sasori and Deidara walked back to the entrance. Kisame was waiting for them.

"Where's everyone else?" Deidara asked as pieces of buildings started to fall.

"In the bus." The shark-nin replied. "Kakuzu's still looking for Tobi."

At that moment, Kakuzu could be heard yelling, "Get the fuck over here, Tobi! Can't you tell when Hidan's started a riot?"

Sasori shook his head sadly. I think I'd know if Hidan started a riot. I mean, the fire and smoke billowing to the sky is a big clue.

Anyway, Kakuzu could be seen a few minutes later dragging Sasori by the arm away from the garden. Everyone got on the bus, which was deserted save for the Akatsuki.

"Hidan, you're the only person I know who could start a riot in a botanical garden." Itachi said on the way back.

Hidan smiled and said, "I'm talented like that, aren't I?"

**Can you imagine Hidan starting a riot in a garden? :laugh: that would be halarious!! if anyone has any suggestions regarding Niagara Falls, let me know. If anyone LIVES there, tell me what i need to fix. i went when i was about 10 adn i'm 16 now, so i don't really remember it...review?**

**next chapter: a day at the pool!**


	7. Ripley's Believe It Or Die

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, I tell you!**

**It's Mika-chan! I updated this pretty quickly! ah well. this is a bit shorter than the last one, but i hope that the next one will be better. am I being random enough in these? because i feel like i'm not being random enough. please let me know. on with the deadly tale!**

Just a note by me, your paranoid fanfictioner: in the last chapter, I said that Kakuzu was dragging Sasori away from the garden at the end. This should be TOBI, not Sasori. I apologize for my mistake.

Now on with the story, ne?

So after the horrid incident that was later named by Kisame as, "The Botanical Garden of Doom", the Akatsuki went back to their hotel for a spot of lunch. Did I seriously just say "spot of lunch"? Ah well. I'm in a British sort of mood today.

Hidan, everyone's favourite violent Jashinist, was lying on his stomach on the bed he shared with Kakuzu, reading his Bible. The Jashinist had recently been reprimanded by Pein and had been told that if he started another riot, his shiny silver head would be decapitated and Kakuzu would _not_ sew it back on. Needless to say Hidan was carefully planning out what he would be doing for the rest of the vacation.

He had just turned a page in his Bible when his ever-so-annoying (in Hidan's opinion) partner walked into the room. The stitched-nin had been playing pool with Deidara in the lounge for the past hour and had obviously decided to go back to the room he shared with his violent tempered (in Kakuzu's opinion) partner.

"Don't tell me Dei started exploding things again?" Hidan looked up at his partner with amethyst eyes.

"He started replacing the balls with explosives." Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "We're going to the Ripley's museum, so get off your ass, Hidan."

"Who decided this?" Hidan asked, not moving an inch.

"Leader-sama." Kakuzu said as he started looking for his cell phone.

"And when?" Hidan asked, tossing the stitched-nin his cell phone.

"When did he decide this or when are we leaving?" Kakuzu asked.

"When was this decided?" Hidan asked, still not moving.

"10 minutes ago." Kakuzu said, shoving Hidan off the bed so the Jashinist fell to the floor.

"What the hell, Kakuzu?!" Hidan snapped as he stood up.

"Get ready to go." Kakuzu said. "We're gonna get the Ripley's thing done today so we won't have to do it tomorrow."

"And how are we getting there?" Hidan asked as he followed his partner out of the hotel room.

"We're going to walk." Kakuzu said. "I convinced Leader-sama to let us walk so we could save money."

Ah yes. Kakuzu's "fool proof" ways to save money. Sometimes, though, these ideas weren't the most fool proof. Kakuzu once suggested that the lights should be turned out to save money. This was terminated immediately when Tobi almost sliced his head off after tripping over Hidan's scythe and Itachi almost blew up the hideout after he grabbed Deidara's C4 bomb instead of the TV remote. Need I say more?

"Kakuzu, we _can_ take a bus, you know." Hidan scowled at his partner. "It doesn't cost much."

"You need the exercise anyway." Kakuzu said, linking arms with the Jashinist.

Everyone was waiting in the lobby, save for Pein and Konan.

"Where are Leader-sama and Konan?" Kakuzu asked.

"Leader is trying to find Konan." Kisame told the stitched-nin.

"Where is she?" Hidan asked.

"That's what we're trying to figure out, un." Deidara said, now videotaping the Akatsuki.

"Where in the name of humanity did you get a video camera, Deidara?" Sasori asked, staring at the device in confusion.

"You gave it to me for Christmas, remember?" Deidara frowned at his lover.

"The year we celebrated Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza and New Years all in one day?" Itachi smiled.

"Yep!" Deidara exclaimed.

"That's why I don't remember it." Sasori said.

"Well, you had too much to drink, Sasori." Hidan said, resting his head on Kakuzu's shoulders.

"I only had 10 glasses of sakè and 5 bottles of champagne." Sasori stated.

"And 4 bottles of vodka and 9 glasses of whiskey." Kisame said.

"Don't forget the 6 glasses of rum, Kisame." Itachi said.

"Can someone even drink that much?" Tobi asked.

"You guys make me seem like I'm an alcoholic." Sasori grinned sheepishly. "Leader-sama had quite a bit to drink too, if I remember right."

"But Leader-sama drinks that much all the time." Zetsu's white side said.

"Do not!"

Pein and Konan arrived, the latter looking very annoyed at the former.

"Where were you, Konan, un?" Deidara asked.

"I was at the pool like I told you Tobi to tell you." Konan said.

As one, all of the Akatsuki rounded on the orange masked ninja, who cowered in fear behind a paisley couch.

"Konan," Itachi said, looking at the blue haired ninja, "Why did you trust Tobi with any information at all?"

"Hey!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Let's get going." Pein said. "I want to get back before dinner today."

* * *

"So why are we here again?"

Once they arrived at the museum, everyone split into groups of four. Kakuzu, Hidan, Sasori and Deidara remained in a group and Konan, Pein, Kisame and Itachi were in a group. Poor Zetsu was forced to deal with Tobi all by himself. The orange masked ninja was already running around the museum, causing chaos I'm sure.

Tobi reminds me of someone's annoying little kid, doesn't he? The kid that won't shut up? Maybe that's just me…anyway. Onward!

Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu and Hidan were staring at a two-headed snake, wondering why in humanity they were there.

"I must have done something to allow Jashin-sama to send me here." Hidan said sorrowfully.

"Don't get me started, Hidan." Kakuzu said with a glare towards his amethyst-eyed partner.

"So what happens if you don't believe this stuff, un?" Deidara asked randomly as he took a picture of the snake with two heads.

"What brought that on?" Sasori frowned.

"This is called 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not', right?" Deidara questioned. "So what happens if you don't believe it, un?"

"Why does it matter?" Kakuzu asked as they approached a portrait of a bearded lady.

"Because I don't believe this stuff." Deidara said.

"Then you die, I guess." Hidan shrugged.

"I'll die, un?!" Deidara shrieked like killer rhinos were taking over Moscow with rabid koalas.

"Don't tell him that, Hidan." Kakuzu said, glaring at his partner.

"But it has to be true, right?" Hidan persisted. "People always die if they don't believe in something."

"People die anyway, smart ass!" Sasori rolled his eyes.

"I don't." Hidan grinned smugly.

"Wanna bet?" Sasori raised his eyebrows.

"Bring it on, Puppet Boy!" Hidan yelled.

"Not here, Hidan." Kakuzu said, pulling his partner away from Sasori.

"Why now?" Hidan demanded.

"We're in public, un." Deidara said. "And there are small children around."

"A little blood won't hurt them." Hidan shrugged.

"I wonder what your childhood was like." Kakuzu shook his head.

"I killed my parents at the age of 4 because they wouldn't let me play soccer in the house." Hidan said simply.

This caused the other three to stare at the Jashinist in horror. It explained a lot about Hidan's actions…

"Hidan, was that you yelling?"

The four turned around and saw Kisame and Itachi approach the group.

"You couldn't tell, un?" Deidara frowned quizzically.

"Itachi likes stating the obvious." Kisame told the blonde.

"That I do!" Itachi smiled. "Well, we're about ready to go. Zetsu's getting annoyed."

"Why?" Sasori asked.

"He saw a picture of a Snapdragon with a meat cleaver." Itachi said.

"No, it was the rose with the kitchen knife." Kisame corrected his lover.

"Well, it was a plant with a kitchen implement." Itachi shrugged.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Kakuzu asked, wrapping his arm around Hidan's waist.

"He's having a mental breakdown." Itachi said simply.

"We'd better go then." Sasori said, dragging Deidara out the door.

And when they arrived outside, the Akatsuki found Zetsu running around in circles, foaming at the mouth. I have no comment…and it took 20 minutes to calm the Venus Fly Trap down. As he watched Zetsu recover from his breakdown, Pein hoped that the rest of the vacation wouldn't be as disastrous as this first day.

**i loved the many-holidays-into-one-day thing. i hope the next chapter will be better. review?**

**next chapter: a day at the pool? or square dancing?**


	8. The Pains Of Swimming Pools

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**It's Mika-chan! This was fun to write. i found a bunch of places in Niagara Falls that I haven't been to yet! So far, i've written about places I've been. but now that i've found some more, this story can be longer! on with the deadly tale!**

After returning from Ripley's, the motley crue that is Akatsuki decided to take a dip in the pool. Well, _some _of the Akatsuki. Konan and Pein didn't feel like swimming, so they instead headed straight for the hot tub that was located just metres away from the pool. The main concern, though, was Tobi.

Tobi hadn't properly learned how to swim (he'd had a traumatic experience with swimming pools when he was small that involved a shotgun and a stuffed Chihuahua). That being said, the orange masked ninja was floating around the pool in water-wingies or hanging onto Hidan's Jashin symbol covered boogie board. Why Hidan brought a boogie board to Niagara Falls is beyond me.

Anyhow, the Akatsuki were relaxing to say the least. Though perhaps I should say _attempting_ to relax.

"This water has too much chlorine!"

Everyone save for Pein and Konan were swimming in the pool. Kisame was trying to teach Tobi how to doggie-paddle across the shallow end of the pool, Kakuzu was swimming laps with Itachi, Deidara was floating on a giant clay spider and Hidan was simply floating on his back. Oh, I forgot to mention that Sasori was not swimming either. Since he was a puppet, Sasori was forced to sit at the edge of the pool and try to avoid getting wet. This is not as easy as it sounds, especially when Deidara started doing cannonballs that made the hydrogen bombs look like pipsqueaks.

"Quit complaining, Zetsu." Sasori said. "At least you can get in the water."

"You can too, puppet boy." Hidan yelled, his amethyst eyes closed.

"I can't if I want my original parts." Sasori snapped.

"But there is too much chlorine in the pool!" Zetsu's white side complained.

"Did you try the hot tub, Zetsu?" Pein asked the Venus Fly Trap.

"It's very relaxing." Konan added.

"I don't care about relaxation, Konan." Zetsu's white side said.

"So why the Jashin-sama are you even here?" Hidan asked, grabbing onto his boogie board and floating down the deep end.

"Because I had to." Zetsu's black side said.

"So what are we doing tomorrow?" Tobi asked as he doggie-paddled over to Kisame.

"The glass museum and possibly Skylon Tower." Pein said.

If I were Pein, I wouldn't even think about going to a glass museum. Come on, do you trust Hidan _anywhere_ near sharp objects that are mainly glass? I thought not. But maybe Pein isn't thinking about that…who knows what that man is thinking?

"I'm afraid of heights!" Tobi shrieked, which resulted in his almost fatal near drowning.

Kisame rolled his eyes and pulled Tobi up for air and said, "Careful, Tobi."

"But why the glass museum, un?" Deidara asked.

"It's cheap." Kakuzu said.

"Is that the only reason?" Itachi asked as he climbed out of the lap pool and jumped into the larger pool.

"As a matter of fact, yes." Kakuzu said.

"I wasn't asking you, Kakuzu." The Uchiha said.

"But it's the right answer." Hidan said with a shrug.

"Don't get me started, Hidan." Kakuzu glared at the Jashinist.

"But it's true, 'Kuzu." Hidan said, diving underwater.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, annoyed by his partner's words.

"It's a small wonder you two are still together." Sasori said.

"He's manageable most of the time." Kakuzu explained.

"Not from what we've seen." Konan said.

"That's just you guys, isn't it?" Kakuzu questioned.

"What is?"

Hidan had come up for air and Kakuzu looked somewhat disappointed by this.

"That you're different when no one else is around." The stitched-nin said.

"Whatever." Hidan's amethyst eyes were looking toward the ceiling.

"So what after that?" Tobi asked as he climbed out of the pool and sat down on the edge next to Sasori.

"Why does it matter?" Deidara wanted to know.

"Am I allowed to finish?" Pein asked acidly.

The 8 Akatsuki faced their leader again, who was looking very annoyed.

"Is there any other place that we should visit while we're here?" Pein asked the group at large.

"Tobi has a suggestion!" the orange-masked ninja said, jumping up and down.

"Why are you speaking in the third person, Tobi?" Kisame frowned.

"That doesn't matter, Kisame-senpai!" Tobi exclaimed.

"What is it?" Pein asked warily.

"We should go to the butterfly place!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Oh hell no." Hidan shook his head. "No fucking way."

"Which side of the falls is it on?" Konan asked.

"It's on the American side." Itachi clarified for the blue-haired kunoichi.

"It'll take money to go over there, so no." Kakuzu said.

"Who gives a fuck about the money, 'Kuzu?!" Hidan exclaimed.

At that moment, Kakuzu swam over to his partner and tackled the Jashinist. Hidan responded by pulling the stitched-nin underwater, where they proceeded to wrestling which somehow lead to underwater sex. Is that even possible? Could they even stay underwater that long? They'd die, wouldn't they? That's what I'd like to know.

Itachi, sensing that this was going to take a while, used the Sharingan to create an illusion so horrifying that both Kakuzu and Hidan came above the water.

"Are you quite through yet?" the Uchiha asked acidly.

"Not yet." Hidan grinned, a rare occurrence in itself.

"So where is this place, Itachi?" Pein asked the Sharingan-eyed ninja.

"I honestly have no idea." Itachi shook his head.

"Well informed, are we?" Sasori smiled.

"Shut it, Sasori." Itachi snapped, splashing a bit of water at the Puppet Master.

"Going to use your Sharingan on me, huh?" Sasori said, still smiling as he brushed the water off of him.

"Don't you two start." Zetsu's white side said.

"They won't make out underwater, Zetsu." Konan said.

"Yeah, that's Sasori and Deidara." Kisame said.

"I'll throw a bomb at you, Kisame, un." Deidara said threateningly.

"Don't even think about it, Deidara." Pein warned the ex-Iwa ninja.

"But Leader-sama, Kisame's being mean!" Deidara said, sounding like he was 3 years old.

"But if you throw a bomb at him, only Kakuzu and Hidan will be alive." Konan said, getting out of the hot tub and jumping in the pool to cool off.

"Sweet!" Hidan exclaimed.

Kakuzu shot his partner a warning look, to which the Jashinist responded by falling silent.

"And if you _do_ throw a bomb at him, you'll blow up the whole fucking hotel." Sasori told his partner.

"Fine, un…" Deidara scowled.

"Tobi and Itachi, find out more about this butterfly place and we might go tomorrow." Pein said.

"But I thought we were going to the glass museum tomorrow?" Kisame frowned.

"If we have time after the glass museum and Skylon tower, we'll go to the butterfly place." Pein said, "Though I don't think we will."

"I want to take lots of pictures, un." Deidara said as his clay spider vanished and the blonde fell into the pool.

"Not you too, Deidara!" Hidan exclaimed. "I thought you were alright!"

"I like taking the pictures, Hidan." Deidara said. "That's it."

"It better be." Hidan said.

"Let's get out now." Kisame said. "I think we've splashed out a third of the water."

And indeed, it looked like most of the water had been splashed out of the swimming pool and the nearby lap pool.

"You mean you, right Kisame?" Sasori smiled.

"Don't insult Kisame, Sasori." Itachi glared at the puppet with Sharingan eyes as he linked arms with the shark-nin and got out of the pool.

"Everyone meet in the lobby at 9 again tomorrow, ok?" Pein said, raising himself out of the hot tub. "Itachi, Tobi, you guys better have some information on this butterfly place."

"We will." Itachi said as he walked out with Kisame.

As the members left, only Konan and Pein remained in the pool area.

"This is going to be disastrous." Pein rubbed his temples.

"It can't be that bad." Konan said.

"Konan, you really think letting Tobi loose with butterflies is a good idea?" Pein stared at his partner incredulously.

"I guess not." Konan said. "But it can't be much worse than the botanical garden, can it?"

Pein thought about the horrid incidents of the garden and said, "I hope to hell that it isn't."

**i can just imagine Hidan and Kakuzu having sex underwater...review?**

**next chapter: do NOT let Hidan loose in a place where glass is easily accessable...**


	9. Interlude: Missing Hair Products

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**It's Mika-chan! this is kinda a filler chapter. i'd love to see this happen, though. i haven't gotten many reviews lately. not just from this story, but any of my stories. that makes me sort of sad...am i getting boring? on with the deadly tale!**

"Kakuzu! Where the fuck are you!"

Hidan opened the bathroom door and stormed out to the rest of the hotel room in search of his partner. The Jashinist had been ready to work on his hair after his shower only to find his hair products were missing. Hidan quickly came to the conclusion that the stitched-nin was behind this. He walked angrily out to the balcony, where Kakuzu could be seen balancing his check book for the third time that night.

"You yelled?" Kakuzu looked at his partner.

"Where the fuck is my fucking hairspray, Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled.

As Kakuzu thought, a dazed look overtook his features as he remembered the events from earlier that night…

_While Hidan was playing pool with Deidara, Sasori and Itachi, Kakuzu took advantage of his lover's absence to play a prank on the Jashinist. After walking into the bathroom, the stitched-nin found the entirety of Hidan's hair products set up neatly on the counter. Grinning from ear to ear, Kakuzu grabbed the hair products and walked out of the bathroom. He set them on the table and frowned, wondering where he could hide them without Hidan noticing. His eyes then found the mattress and Kakuzu got it. He would rip open the mattress, hide the hair products, and sew it back up. It was brilliant! And that is exactly what the stitched-nin did._

"Kakuzu!"

Kakuzu came out of his trance when he heard his partner calling his name.

"Yes?" Kakuzu asked.

"Do you know where my hair spray is?" Hidan rolled his amethyst eyes at his partner's short attention span. "Or any of my other hair products for that matter."

"No idea." Kakuzu lied easily.

"Are you sure?" Hidan asked again.

"Positive." Kakuzu said.

"Maybe Deidara took it." Hidan said. He grabbed his partner's hand and said, "Let's go."

"Go where, Hidan?" Kakuzu demanded as he was pulled through the hotel room.

"To find Deidara!" Hidan exclaimed. "Who else?"

"You could be looking for Leader-sama or Itachi." Kakuzu shrugged.

"But they probably didn't steal my hair spray." Hidan said.

And with the air of taking a hostage, Hidan dragged his lover to Sasori and Deidara's room, where they found the two having sex on the floor of all places.

"What the Jashin!" Hidan exclaimed upon entering.

Instantaneously, Deidara and Sasori sprang apart to different sides of the room, both blushing vivid shades of scarlet.

"What the hell, Hidan?!" Deidara snapped.

"What do you want, anyway?" Sasori glared at the pair.

"Have either of you taken my hair products?" the amethyst-eyed ninja asked.

"Why would we take your hair products?" Sasori crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I can't find them!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Where did you last leave them?" Kakuzu asked.

"On the bathroom counter." Hidan replied, linking arms with his partner.

"Maybe a maid took them, un." Deidara suggested as he crawled into bed.

"Or Tobi!" Hidan exclaimed for no reason at all.

And with that, he dragged Kakuzu out of the room and up to the 7th floor where the mystery ninja was sharing a room with Zetsu. Upon entering, Kakuzu and Hidan found Tobi watching _Stanley_ and Zetsu was attempting to read _War and Peace_. I say attempting because every time Tobi saw an animal that he knew, he would shout out its name, which annoyed Zetsu to no end.

"Tobi!" Hidan yelled when he walked inside with Kakuzu.

Tobi shrieked like homicidal lampshades were attacking the Pope, which caused Zetsu to roll his eyes.

"What, Hidan?" the black side asked.

"Did you take my hair spray?" the Jashinist asked.

"I've been watching _Stanley _and _Arthur_ all night." Tobi replied.

"So?" Hidan's stern tone didn't change.

"So why would I take it, Hidan-san?" Tobi cocked his head in a confused manner.

"Zetsu?" Hidan rounded on the Venus Fly Trap.

"We have no need for hair spray." The white side responded. "So we did not steal it."

* * *

After going through everyone's room at least twice, Kakuzu and Hidan returned to their room with no hair spray in tow.

"But I want to know where it is!" Hidan exclaimed as he crawled into his bed with Kakuzu. "I know I packed it."

"You'll find it eventually." Kakuzu said, rolling over on his side.

"Wait a minute…" Hidan frowned, feeling unusual roughness on his legs. "What the hell…"

Pulling back the covers, the Jashinist discovered that the middle of the mattress had been ripped open and that thick black stitch marks were holding the mattress together.

"Kakuzu…" Hidan's amethyst eyes found their way to the stitched-nin.

"This is unusual." Kakuzu said in tones of mock surprise.

Glaring at Kakuzu, Hidan ripped out the stitches and pulled the mattress apart. And there lying _inside _the mattress were assorted hair products.

"Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled. "What the fuck did you do that for?!"

If you will cut for just a moment to Sasori and Deidara, who were now attempting to get some sleep.

"I guess Hidan found the hair spray, un." Deidara said.

"Oh, shut up and go to sleep." Sasori mumbled.

Back to Kakuzu and Hidan…

Of course Hidan yelled at Kakuzu, and Kakuzu yelled at Hidan, which lead to fighting, which lead to sex. And I would describe it, but I believe that this is a rated T fanfiction and there might be some people who find lemon wrong, yaoi or not. Let me just say that the AC/DC song _You Shook Me All Night Long_ applies to this situation. And probably many other songs, but that was the one that came to mind. Thank you and good night.

**my sister suggested putting them in teh mattress. :thanks, Punky!: not that she's on , but ah well. reviews make me happy!**

**next chapter: only Hidan can make a visit to a glass museum a living hell...**


	10. The Horrid Glass Museum

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, I tell you!**

**It's Mika-chan! everyone better enjoy this LONG chapter. i think this is the longest in the series so far...but i like it. on with the deadly tale!**

Itachi awoke the next morning feeling slightly wet. And why was this? His shark-nin partner had just come out of the shower and had pulled the wet dog trick on the Uchiha. For those of you who may not know, the wet dog trick is the thing that dogs do when wet: they shake the water off of them. And where does the water land? On anything in the surrounding area. And that is exactly what Hoshigaki Kisame did.

"Kisame, what have I told you about that?" Itachi glared at his lover.

"I could have dragged you in the shower with me." Kisame grinned.

"At least I'd be completely wet as opposed to only slightly wet." Itachi grumbled as he got out of bed and dragged a comb through his hair. "So what are we doing today?"

"The glass museum, remember?" Kisame reminded the Uchiha.

"I don't want to imagine Hidan in a glass museum." Itachi squeezed his Sharingan eyes shut, as if he was trying to block out a lewd image.

"Hidan or Tobi." Kisame added.

"Oh, hell no." Itachi's eyes now became the size of dinner plates in horror. "That is _not_ something I want to see."

"Maybe we can convince Leader-sama to let us stay here?" Kisame suggested.

"He won't." Itachi shook his head, tying his headband around his forehead. "You know how anal he can be."

"Too true." The shark-nin nodded. "So what's for breakfast?"

"Not sushi." Itachi said at once.

"Why not?" Kisame whined. "I love sushi!"

"But I'm sick of it, 'Same!" Itachi exclaimed. "We've had sushi every day for a week!"

"I'm part shark!" Kisame shouted. "What do you expect?"

"I wouldn't yell that, Kisame." Itachi said as he wrapped his arms around his partner's waist.

"Why not?" Kisame frowned.

"We're in public." Itachi responded.

"No we're not. We're in our hotel room." Kisame corrected his lover.

"But people can still hear us." The Uchiha said calmly.

"I don't care." Kisame said, breaking away from Itachi's grip.

"But I do." Itachi said.

"You didn't seem to think that last night?" Kisame grinned.

I have to wonder if all the Akatsuki thinks about is sex…really now! Have you noticed that? Or is it just my twisted way of writing things? Ah well. At least this isn't a happy fluffy story! Or is it…stops to think whatever! Onward!

"Not the point!" Itachi exclaimed, grabbing a Red Bull from the fridge.

"No Red Bulls, Itachi." Kisame scolded his partner.

"Why not?" the Uchiha frowned.

"Because your eyes go all bloodshot." Kisame responded.

"My eyes are always bloodshot!" Itachi yelled.

"Because you use the Sharingan too much." Kisame told his younger partner. "I keep telling you to lay off for a while. You look so much better without the Sharingan."

"As I've told you, Kisame, the Sharingan is for defense." Itachi said.

"We're not going to be attacked on vacation!" Kisame exclaimed.

"But Deidara or Tobi could be planning something." Itachi pointed out.

"True, but they wouldn't do it with Leader-sama here." Kisame said.

"When are we leaving?" Itachi asked.

"Leaving for what?" the shark-nin asked in response.

"The glass museum!" Itachi exclaimed.

"Oh, same time as yesterday." Kisame said.

"And what time is it now?" Itachi wanted to know.

"8:56." Kisame said.

A few seconds of silence went by before the two realised that they had just minutes before they were supposed to meet everyone in the lobby. Then, as one, the ninja started panicking and running around in circles.

"What are we doing this for?" Kisame asked as he passed Itachi for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"How should I know?" Itachi yelled.

"Let's get going then." Kisame said, dashing out the door.

"Wait up, Kisame!" Itachi cried as his lover raced down the hall, leaving the Uchiha behind.

* * *

"They're late."

Most of the Akatsuki, save for Kisame and Itachi, were waiting in the lobby. I would say patiently, but Hidan was the opposite of patient. Is he _ever_ patient? Hidan aside, the Akatsuki were somewhat patient. Konan was getting map directions on her cell phone, Kakuzu was balancing his beloved checkbook, Sasori and Zetsu were conversing about different types of iPods, Deidara was playing with clay iguanas, Tobi was reading a Dr. Seuss picture book, Pein was watching music videos on his iPod and Hidan was about to start a riot. Geez! That's a sentence long enough to make Sasori lecture about waiting. I guess it would be waiting for the sentence to be ended, I dunno. So all besides Hidan were waiting patiently. As I have said before, I don't think Hidan can be patient about anything.

At any rate, the Akatsuki was getting a tad agitated about waiting for the Uchiha and the shark-nin. Kakuzu had called Itachi several times on the Sharingan user's cell phone, but the Uchiha did not answer. And so Kakuzu was now ranting about how his minutes were wasted for such a pointless call.

"Should we look for them?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"They'll come when they're ready." The black side answered.

"Kisame's usually really prompt when it comes to things." Deidara said. "Maybe something's wrong, un."

"But he would have let us know by now." Hidan said.

"I hate waiting." Sasori hissed angrily.

"We know." The Akatsuki said as one.

"First it was Hidan and Kakuzu, then Leader-sama and Konan, now Itachi and Kisame." Deidara said.

"Your point being?" Kakuzu raised his eyebrows.

"Maybe everyone's trying to be late for this vacation, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"This is getting ridiculous." Pein sighed.

"We're here!"

It was at that moment that Kisame and Itachi came dashing into the lobby. Both stopped at the group, panting and out of breath due to the fact that they had run down nine flights of stairs because Kisame had refused to take the elevator.

"About time!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Itachi got up late." Kisame said between breaths.

"You could have woken me up!" Itachi snapped.

"Ok, let's get going." Pein said.

That being said, the Akatsuki moved out of the hotel lobby and into the city. They got some very strange looks from the other tourists. I can't blame them. It's not every day that one sees nine S-rank ninja in black capes in Niagara Falls. And as Hidan so bluntly pointed out, they "looked weird"

"We don't look weird, Hidan." Sasori told the Jashinist.

"We do to regular people!" Hidan pointed out.

"Everyone behave in this museum, ok?" Pein said. "We don't need another garden incident."

"Of doom." Kisame added with a grin.

"It won't be as boring as the garden." Hidan said.

"So what all do we do here?" Tobi asked as the group crossed a street.

"We watch how glass is made." Konan said. "If you want, you can buy some."

"Which we will _not_ be doing." Pein said harshly.

"Come on, Leader-sama!" Tobi whined.

"We don't need anything that Hidan can hurt people with." Pein said.

"That doesn't leave much, un." Deidara said.

The Akatsuki finally arrived at the glass museum. The first thing they noticed was a spike in temperature. And this is not a spike down, mind you. This is a spike up. Like what the gas prices are doing right now. But I'm sure everyone knows about that. If you don't, I'm wondering where the hell you've been for the last year or so.

Anyhow, everyone was with their partners as they looked around the museum that was really not a museum. I say that because I personally don't find it a museum, having been there myself. It's more like a place where you can see how the glass is made. From a distance, mind you. I don't know what you'd really call it…but that's beside the point. Tobi was once again grouped with Zetsu, poor Venus Fly Trap. Kakuzu had a fairly easy job of keeping Hidan close to him. Maybe this is because the Jashinist didn't really want to be in the glass place to begin with.

"Watch where you're walking, Deidara." Sasori told his blonde lover as they walked around.

"I'm not _that_ bad, un." Deidara scowled at the Puppet Master.

"I never know what you'll do in places like this." Sasori said.

"I'm trying to show Tobi what a proper Akatsuki is like, Sasori no Danna." Deidara said as he stoked a small clay bird in the palm of his hand.

"Is that why you're behaving better?" Sasori smiled.

"I can behave you know, un." Deidara told his lover.

"I know you can." Sasori linked arms with the blonde.

"Then why don't you believe me?" Deidara asked.

"Because you don't seem to act like it some time." Sasori said.

A loud crash sounded from the back of the room. As one, the Akatsuki yelled, "Hidan!"

"What?!" Hidan snapped from the completely opposite side of the room.

"Oh." Konan frowned.

"Wait a minute…" Kisame said. "Where's Tobi?"

"Oh shit." Zetsu's black side said.

"Zetsu!" Kakuzu, Deidara and Sasori yelled.

"You guys try watching Tobi!" the black side snapped.

It turned out that it wasn't Hidan, but Tobi who had smashed a series of hedgehog figurines in the back. This really shouldn't be surprising to anyone, but somehow it was.

"Tobi…" Pein sighed as he looked at the heap of glass shards surrounding the orange-masked ninja.

"It wasn't my fault!" Tobi cried.

"Sure it wasn't." Hidan rolled his eyes.

He dragged Kakuzu back over to the display place type thing where someone was shaping the glass. Kakuzu noticed how the amethyst eyes were focused on the glass and how it went from being a lump to an intricate shape.

"Maybe glass making could be an investment, Kakuzu." Hidan told his lover.

"Really?" Kakuzu looked somewhat surprised at the Jashinist. "I've never heard you talk about money before."

"I was just thinking." Hidan said. "I'm allowed to do that, aren't I?"

"Yes, I suppose you can." Kakuzu said, kissing Hidan gently on the lips.

Somehow, this action by Kakuzu sparked a whole series of events that led to the two to begin their usual tongue war that stopped only when Sasori interrupted them.

"We're in public, you know."

"So what?" Hidan snapped.

"There are kids present, so you might not want to do that." Sasori crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"And people might not want to see two gay guys kissing." Deidara appeared at his lover's side.

"They can shove it up their-"

"Hidan…"

"Alright, fine." The Jashinist released the stitched-nin from his death grip.

"Are we about ready to go?" Konan called from one side of the room.

"I think we've caused enough chaos for one day." Zetsu's white side said.

"There's never enough chaos, Zetsu!" Hidan exclaimed, to which he received several shocked looks.

"Don't scare people, Hidan." Kakuzu said quietly.

"It's because people don't believe in Jashin-sama. That's why there isn't enough chaos." Hidan said as the Akatsuki walked out of the museum.

"No, I don't think that's it." Itachi said with a small smile.

"What's that supposed to mean, Itachi?" Hidan snapped.

"Absolutely nothing." Itachi linked arms with Kisame and walked past the other two.

"How much time did we spend there?" Tobi asked.

"An hour." Pein said.

"Really?" Konan raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I thought it was less."

"Let's go back to the pool before some lunch." Deidara suggested.

"Why?" Zetsu's black side wanted to know.

"Because I feel like swimming, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Sounds good to me." Pein said. "They should have refilled the pools by now."

"That wasn't as chaotic as I thought it would be." Kisame mused.

"Thank Shiva." Itachi nodded in agreement.

Little did the Akatsuki know, however, that their next tourist site would be almost as bad if not worse than the Botanical Garden Of Doom. And how, you may ask? I will not tell you. Because you, my lovely reader, will have to wait one, maybe two chapters, depending if I add a filler chapter that I might put in. You'll find out eventually, but I will not tell. And there's no point asking in a review because you will get no reply, though reviews are greatly appreciated as a writer. That being said, I wish everyone a happy May 27, whatever the significance of May 27 is, and try not to get bitten by any rabid squirrels.

**did I ramble too much? review?**

**next chapter: the horrors of Skylon Tower!**


	11. The Skylon Disaster

**Disclaimer: I own nothing i tell you!**

**It's Mika-chan! This should be an interesting chapter...i won't say why, though. i find it very amusing, at least. on with the deadly tale!**

Deidara was swimming in the pool, waiting for Sasori to finish with his parts. On the way back, Hidan had accidentally tripped the Puppet Master, causing Sasori's leg to split down the side. Fortunately, Sasori brought spare parts, but the redhead wanted to save those parts for a real emergency.

So now Deidara was floating on his back, completely at ease. Well,

he was until a splash of water hit him in the face. Looking to his right, the blonde saw that Hidan had just jumped into the pool, thus knocking out a large portion of the water.

"Anxious, are we, un?" Deidara assumed.

"I guess you could say that." Hidan smiled.

"Why are you so excited, anyway?" Deidara wanted to know. "It's just Skylon Tower, un."

"I can push Kakuzu off the side." Hidan explained.

"You wouldn't do that." Deidara said. "Leader-sama would kick you out."

"Yeah, that's true." Hidan shrugged. "But it would still be pretty fun."

"Why do I get the feeling that you're taking advantage of my immortality?" Kakuzu sighed.

"I have no clue!" Hidan exclaimed.

It was at that moment that Itachi slouched into the room with Kisame's camera in tow.

"We're ready to go." The Uchiha announced dully.

"Yea!" Deidara exclaimed as he leapt out of the pool and ran out the door, leaving a bewildered Kakuzu, Hidan and Itachi behind.

"He has too much energy for his own good." Kakuzu shook his head sadly.

The three made their way to the lobby, where the rest of the Akatsuki was waiting. This time, Zetsu had Tobi on something that looked very much like a dog leash. Perhaps the Venus Fly Trap didn't want to deal with the orange masked ninja running off and causing mayhem.

"No one's late?" Konan looked around for missing people.

"We're all here." Sasori nodded. "For once."

"We are taking a bus." Pein said, to which he received a groan from Kakuzu at the loss of his precious money.

"Is it that far away?" Kisame cocked his head in a confused manner.

"No, but I don't feel like walking." Pein shrugged.

"So let's move out!" Deidara said, sounding very much like a military officer.

Whilst they were on the bus en route to Skylon Tower, I will take some time to explain to those who have not had to opportunity to venture to Niagara Falls. The waterfall itself is on both the Canadian side and the American side. I, personally, went to the Canadian side, since my dad wanted to go to Canada. Since said visit, we have been there 2 more times, being Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia. As a side note, if you live in the lower continental United States, do NOT drive to Nova Scotia. It is very LONG and your family will make you want to kill yourself by the end of the first day.

Anyway, Niagara Falls is a pretty cool place to visit. There are lots of tourist places around and everything mentioned in this story is real. Well, maybe not the shed that Kakuzu and Hidan were having sex behind, but there is a botanical garden. There are lots of botanical gardens, actually. We took a tour under the falls, which will be expressed later in this story.

I've explained long enough. Further questions may be presented in the form of an e-mail via my web-page. Moving on…

When the motley crue that is Akatsuki arrived at Skylon Tower, they had to go through security. Since they had to go through security, everyone had to go through a metal detector. It was _slightly_ problematic when Hidan was stopped because his Jashin necklace, iPod and can of hairspray were detected.

"Why did you even bring hairspray along?" Sasori had wondered.

"Oh, shut up." Hidan had scowled and commenced annoying Kakuzu.

That being said, the Akatsuki _finally _made their way up to the tower itself. To give unfamiliar readers an image, it reminds me of the Space Needle in Seattle. I think that's what it's called…but you guys know what I mean, right? That's what it's always reminded me of. Skylon Tower itself is mainly used to take pictures of the falls. Obviously not while you're on top of it. They have a section outside with a chain-linked fence, if I remember correctly. This is where you take the pictures that you will put in an album and shove in the closet, only to remember them again when you are 93.

Once again, the Akatsuki split up in partners. And once again, poor Zetsu was stuck with the bundle of energy that is Tobi. Deidara had out his camera, whilst Sasori was using the blonde's video camera.

"Why do you want to remember this vacation, Deidara?" Sasori asked, zooming in on a random office building.

"Because it's a vacation, un." Deidara shrugged.

"Being stuck with Hidan and Tobi is _not_ what I call a vacation." The Puppet Master said.

"I heard that!"

Hidan and Kakuzu came walking over to the pair. A group of tourists from Hungary were staring at the four ninja, no doubt wondering if this is what all Canadians behaved like. Though they were mistaken for thinking they were Canadian. I just rhymed! Creative Writing hasn't been a waste! Onward!

"Who cares if you heard it, Hidan?" Sasori glared at the Jashinist.

"This would be a great place to have a praying session." Hidan said quite randomly.

"No!" Kakuzu, Deidara and Sasori yelled as one, earning themselves some reproachful looks from fellow tourists.

"They take too long, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"And most people don't want to see your praying sessions." Kakuzu said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Whatever." Hidan scowled.

"So what are we doing after this, un?" Deidara asked.

"I thought we were doing the butterfly thing?" Kakuzu frowned.

"If we have time." Sasori told the stitched-nin.

"I don't want to see butterflies." Hidan complained.

"I don't either, but Itachi and Tobi do." Kakuzu said.

"Itachi?" Sasori and Hidan questioned simultaneously.

"Itachi, un?" Deidara frowned, linking arms with his partner.

"Yeah. Uchiha likes butterflies." Kakuzu said, somewhat amazed that the other three didn't know.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Hidan exclaimed. "Itachi!"

"Yeah?" Itachi asked as he walked over from seemingly nowhere.

"Do you or do you not like butterflies?" Hidan asked, sounding very much like a judge in court.

At that moment, a piercing shriek filled the air. Said shriek sounded to some like a cat was being tortured by means of thumbscrews, but to the Akatsuki, it meant that Tobi was in trouble. Again.

Racing to the other side of the tower, Kakuzu, Itachi, Deidara, Hidan and Sasori found Tobi _on the other side_ of the chain-linked fence. And he was hanging onto a pole for dear life, obviously avoiding letting go, since he would have fallen onto the street below and died instantaneously. After staring in wonder for a moment, the Akatsuki sprang into action. 'Action' meaning they commenced arguing amongst themselves about how to save their beloved yet hated Tobi.

"Rope! Someone get rope!" Zetsu's white side screamed.

"And how will Tobi get the rope, you stupid plant?" Hidan snapped.

"I have an idea, un!" Deidara somehow managed to yell over the arguing, which is a statement to boast about when the argument was so loud that it could be heard in Helsinki.

"And that would be what, Deidara?" Konan asked.

"I'll make a clay bird and fly over to the side and get Tobi!" Deidara was obviously quite pleased with himself.

After a few moments of would-be silence, since Tobi was making enough of a racket to scare a rhino, Pein said, "That just might work."

"Do you even have clay, Deidara?" Kisame asked.

"Who cares?!" Tobi shrieked, obviously fearing for his life. "Just get me down!"

"We are!" Hidan snapped.

"Of course I have clay, un!" Deidara said, reaching his hand into his clay pouch.

Within moments, a large clay bird was standing in the middle of Skylon Tower. So large, in fact, that astronauts in outer space could see it. In any case, Deidara flew on top of said gigantic bird and rescued Tobi, who then lay quivering on the floor in fear.

"What did you do, Tobi?" Pein asked, feeling that the orange masked ninja needed to be reprimanded.

"I accidentally dropped my penny through the fence on the other side." Tobi began. "So I climbed over to get it and my foot slipped and I fell!"

"This was all over some penny?" Hidan's amethyst eyes were now slits.

"Yes." Tobi said meekly.

"Are you fucking serious?!" Hidan yelled so loudly that his message could be heard loud and clear by all in St. Petersburg.

"I shouldn't be surprised by this." Sasori shook his head at Tobi.

"Let's go." Pein said. "Before something else happens."

And with that, the Akatsuki left Skylon Tower, though the tourists would no doubt be telling their relatives about the strange group of people who called themselves the Akatsuki and how a clay bird miraculously saved one of said Akatsuki from falling off Skylon Tower.

**I can just imagine Tobi hanging off Skylon Tower...as i said, feel free to message me with complaints, concerns or questions. however, if you flame me, i will flame you back. review?**

**next chapter: The butterfly effect! and not the movie!**


	12. Don't Try This At Home

**Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki**

**It's Mika-chan! I thought i had uploaded this chapter, but i see it isn't up yet, which i find odd. My thanks extend to Tropicalna for giving me the idea for this! on with the deadly tale!**

As you see, the chapter of this title, my lovely reader, is Don't Try This At Home. The meaning behind this title will be explained rather shortly. Or later. I dunno which. It _will_ be explained in this chapter, however. You can pretty much count on that.

Let's get on with the story, shall we?

Hidan was sprawled out on the bed he shared with Kakuzu, his amethyst eyes focused on the Jashin bible in front of him. He grew bored of reading his bible and closed it, allowing his eyes to look out the window and gaze at the waterfall outside. That's when the Jashinist had an idea. He'd heard of others attempting what he was planning on doing, but they'd all died. But Hidan was an Immortal! He wouldn't have that problem. He'd be alive and well and could live to tell about it. About what, you ask?

Hidan was going to jump off Niagara Falls.

Call him crazy, if you will, but Hidan thought this was an amazing idea. He'd always wanted to jump off of a waterfall. Well, that's an exaggeration, but it sounded like a fun idea.

So Hidan resolved to jump off Niagara Falls. Then he thought of what Kakuzu would say. True, he loved Kakuzu more than anything save for Lord Jashin, but the amethyst-eyed ninja new his partner all to well. This seemed like something Kakuzu wouldn't like at all.

Speaking of Kakuzu, the stitched-nin walked out of the bathroom and saw Hidan staring out the window and said, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to jump off the waterfall." Hidan said nonchalantly.

Kakuzu stared at his partner for a moment. Hidan had done some crazy things in the past, but this was going too far.

"Any might I ask why?" the stitched-nin's hands fell to his hips.

"Wouldn't it be fun?" Hidan asked, his amethyst eyes filled with unusual excitement.

"What brought this on, Hidan?" Kakuzu wanted to know. "Is this you being spontaneous?"

"Yep!" Hidan grinned.

"You're going to do it even if I say no, right?" Kakuzu shook his head.

"Yep again!" Hidan's grin got bigger.

"I guess I'll have to do it, too." Kakuzu said.

Now it was Hidan's turn to look surprised.

"Why?"

"You seem to forget that I'm an Immortal, too." Kakuzu reminded his lover.

"I didn't think you'd want to go through with this, but ok!" Hidan jumped off the bed.

"Let's go get this over with." Kakuzu sighed.

"So let's go!" Hidan exclaimed, dragging his lover out of the room.

Now cut, if you will, to the waterfall. Kakuzu and Hidan were standing on a rather large rock just before the water, well, fell. What else would it do? Jump up and down? I think not.

Anyway, the Akatsuki pair were watching the water rush below them. Kakuzu had never seen Hidan look so excited over much of anything short of sex in the shower, which Kakuzu hated. Hidan did just about anything life-threatening, which included but was not limited to wrestling with polar bears, jumping into the Grand Canyon, swimming in shark infested waters and being drawn and quartered. After the last, though, Kakuzu had to sew the Jashinist's limbs back on, but Hidan loved it just the same.

So it really didn't surprise the stitched-nin that Hidan really was going to jump off Niagara Falls. The legality issues weren't really going through either of their minds, either. Kakuzu was thinking of what they were going to do when they got back to the hotel, whilst Hidan was looking forward to plunging to his non-existent death.

"Ready, Kakuzu?" Hidan asked, facing his partner.

"You go first." Kakuzu commanded.

"Why do I have to go first?" Hidan questioned.

"Because I said so." Kakuzu said in an authoritative voice.

Hidan scowled, but obeyed. He spread his arms out like a bird about to take flight and jumped. The thrill was amazing. The wind rushing in his ears, the water somewhat forcing him to fall faster…

All the while, Kakuzu was watching his partner fall whilst a small smile formed on his lips. If Hidan wanted to do daredevil stunts, who was he to stop him?

* * *

Deidara and Sasori were in their room on the 6th floor, doing absolutely nothing productive. Deidara was watching TV while Sasori was reading _The Crucible_. A commercial started and Deidara looked out the window to the waterfall where he saw two people standing on the waterfall.

"Hey, Danna, check it out, un." Deidara said.

"What, Deidara?" Sasori rolled his eyes.

"There are people on the waterfall." Deidara said.

"Huh?" Sasori joined his lover at the window.

"Is that Kakuzu, un?" Deidara questioned.

"Get your scope, Deidara." Sasori ordered.

Obediently, Deidara grabbed his scope and used it to cover his left eye. Using the zoom feature, the bomber saw that it indeed was Kakuzu.

"It _is_ Kakuzu!" Deidara exclaimed. "And Hidan's with him, un!"

At that moment, the silhouette that was Hidan jumped off the waterfall.

"Holy hell!" Sasori yelled.

_Holiday_ rang throughout the room, meaning that Sasori's cell phone was ringing.

"Yes?" Sasori said, once he answered it. "Yeah, we know…will it really do anything…but he's immortal, Leader-sama…I know it's illegal! Ok! We'll meet you there."

"We need to get him, un?" Deidara assumed.

"We're all going to get them." Sasori said, pulling Deidara out of the hotel room.

When they at least reached the waterfall, everyone was waiting. Tobi, in his shining stupidity, had actually brought a ladder. Where he obtained it, only his dead grandmother knows. Why he brought it, only Itachi's dead former monkey knows.

"Tobi, why the hell did you bring a ladder?" Sasori asked.

"That doesn't matter!" Pein snapped before rounding on the stitched-nin. "Did you push him off, Kakuzu?"

"He jumped of his own accord." Kakuzu said. "Right Hidan?" he added with a yell.

"Hell yeah!" came Hidan's voice from the watery abyss.

"Now how are we going to get you back up?" Konan yelled down.

"How the Jashin-sama would I know?" Hidan yelled back in reply.

"Make a bird, Deidara." Zetsu's black side commanded.

"It would be destroyed by the water, un." Deidara shook his head.

"I can try climbing!" Hidan offered with a shout.

"That might be what you have to do, Hidan." Pein shouted back.

"What about my ladder?" Tobi suggested.

"Tobi, it's not tall enough, for one thing." Konan said.

"And it wouldn't work anyway." Itachi said.

"Leave Tobi alone." Zetsu's black side said aggressively.

"Tobi's a good boy." The white side said.

"Arrigato, Zetsu-san!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Everyone shut up so I can think!" Pein yelled so loudly that everyone in Mongolia could hear him.

"I'll just climb up, Leader-sama." Hidan's shouted.

"Yeah, do that." Konan yelled for Pein.

"He's going to climb up the whole waterfall?" Kisame's eyebrows were raised in amusement.

"This is going to take forever." Kakuzu sighed impatiently.

"We wouldn't be here if you hadn't let him jump off the side!" Sasori yelled at the stitched-nin.

"He would've done it anyway!" Kakuzu snapped back. "You know how he is!"

"And you can usually do a pretty good job at keeping him out of trouble, Kakuzu." Zetsu's white side said.

"He wouldn't listen." Kakuzu said.

"You were going to jump too, remember?" came Hidan's voice, slightly closer than it had been.

"Why in the name of humanity were you going to jump?" Sasori asked in tones of disbelief.

"It sounded fun." Kakuzu shrugged.

"You guys have a twisted sense of amusement, un." Deidara said.

In about 10 minutes, Hidan appeared over the side of the waterfall, looking like a drowned rat, but nonetheless very excited.

"That was awesome!" the Jashinist exclaimed. "Can I do it again?"

"No." All of the Akatsuki said as one.

"What about Kakuzu?" Hidan frowned.

"No."

"But it was a blast!" Hidan exclaimed. "You guys should do it."

"Sounds great, Hidan." Itachi's words dripped sarcasm. "I would just _love_ to fall right to my death for some thrill ride. Kisame, let's be sure to do that when we go to the Waterfall Village next, huh?"

"Do note the sarcasm in his voice." Pein said. "Hidan, I'm going to deal with you once we get back to the base. This is just too much to deal with for one night."

"You can't torture me, though." Hidan smiled as they walked back over the water. "I love pain."

"Do I hear sadism?" Sasori muttered under his breath, causing Deidara to laugh quietly.

And so the motley crue that is Akatsuki returned to the hotel, muttering amongst themselves why any sane person would willingly jump off a waterfall and plummet to their death. Didn't I say that this chapter's title would be explained? I did! Well, I didn't come out and say it, but I'm going to assume that I have some somewhat intelligent readers out there who can figure out what the title means. And I'm sure that that will be a good portion of my readers, since fanfictioners are usually somewhat intelligent. This is based on my personal experiences, by the way. In any case, the next chapter will be one to die for, so look for it soon!

**really, don't try this. ever. why can i see Hidan doing this? reviews?**

**next chapter: the butterfly effect that has nothign to do with the movie**


	13. The Butterfly Effect

**Disclaimer: What would i do if i owned Niagara Falls?**

**It's Mika-chan! Sorry about the last chapter...i could have sworn i had posted it earlier. ah well. this is very amusing, if i do say so myself. on with the deadly tale!**

"I cannot believe we are actually doing this."

The next day, the motley crue that is Akatsuki was at the butterfly conservatory, much to the annoyance of Hidan and most of the other members save for Tobi and Itachi, for reasons only his dead grandmother knows. Deidara had out his camera whilst his redheaded partner had the video camera. The blonde was taking pictures rather actively, whilst Sasori was merely standing around.

"It won't be that bad, Hidan." Itachi said, linking arms with his shark-nin lover and walking off to examine a particular butterfly.

As much as Kisame hated butterflies, he willed himself to suffer through this for Itachi, since he knew how much the Uchiha liked the annoying insects. Well, that was Kisame's opinion. For some reason, Uchiha Itachi loved butterflies. Maybe it was because Itachi had been raised to appreciate the true beauty in anything, no matter what it was. This was, perhaps, the reason that the Uchiha had fallen for Kisame; he saw things that no one else saw in the shark-nin.

"Having fun, are we?" Kisame smiled at his partner's unusual excitement.

"Is it obvious?" Itachi smiled, a somewhat rare event in itself.

"Just a bit, yeah." Kisame nodded.

"I hope Hidan won't start a riot." Itachi said. "He might hurt the butterflies."

"That's not a good thing." Kisame said. "Did you bring your digital camera, 'tachi?"

"Yeah." Itachi nodded, handing it over to the shark-nin. "Why?"

"I want to take a picture." Kisame responded.

"Of what?" Itachi asked curiously.

"That." Kisame said, pointing to a random butterfly.

To Uchiha Itachi, it was anything but random.

"Kisame, it's a Japanese Monarch!" he exclaimed, dragging his lover over to the butterfly in question.

Now we will cut to Pein, the leader of this motley crue, and Konan. The pair were quietly observing different species of butterflies whilst trying to keep track of the rest of the Akatsuki. The only problem ninja would be Tobi and Hidan, though Hidan could be controlled rather well by the stitched-nin. Zetsu was going to have his hands full controlling Tobi.

"It's kinda nice here." Konan said.

"I guess so." Pein said.

"Are we doing the Maid of the Mist tour later today?" Konan asked her partner.

"I guess if nothing bad happens here." Pein replied, wrapping his arm around Konan's waist.

"We're going to be here a week." Konan said. "We might as well make the most of it."

"It's kinda hard to do something when Kakuzu's bugging me about how much all this is going to cost." Pein scowled.

"Just tell him to knock it off." Konan suggested.

"I have and he's stopped since I told him that I would kick him out of the Akatsuki." Pein told her.

"At least it's worked." Konan shrugged.

"I have a feeling he's going to go on about it when we get back to the base." Pein said, shaking his head sadly.

"He'll just have to live with it, Pein." Konan said.

She loved the fact that she was the only one allowed to call the Akatsuki leader by his real name. It also helped that she was his partner and his lover.

"So you tell him that, Konan." Pein said.

"He won't listen to me, as you full well know." Konan crossed her arms in front her chest.

"He should be listening to you." Pein said in a somewhat surprised voice.

Writing this part is boring me immensely, so let's cut to Sasori and Deidara!

"What are we doing after this, un?" Deidara wanted to know.

"I honestly have no idea, Deidara." Sasori shrugged. "I think we're doing a waterfall tour tomorrow, though Hidan won't need to go…"

"What do you mean, un?" Deidara frowned, confused by his partner's words.

"The Maid of the Mist thing." Sasori replied.

"That sounds like fun, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Yeah, if you say so." Sasori said. "But I can't get wet, remember?"

"They give you ponchos." Said a mysterious voice from behind them.

Turning around, the blonde and redhead found none other than Zetsu walking toward them.

"Where's Tobi?" Deidara asked, hoping with every fibre of his being that the orange-masked ninja wasn't off pretending to be a butterfly and jumping off buildings somewhere.

"He's with Kakuzu and Hidan right now." Zetsu's white side said.

"They give you ponchos." The black side responded.

"Will it cover me completely?" Sasori asked.

"Obviously, Danna, un." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"They have to." Zetsu's white side said as one eye admired a Black Swallowtail.

"How do you know?" Deidara asked.

"There was a lawsuit made against the company a few years ago by an old couple." The white side began.

"They were mad at the company because the woman died because she got water in her ears." The black side exclaimed.

"So it was made law that everyone had to wear ponchos." The white side concluded.

"People don't die from getting water in their ears, Zetsu, un." Deidara frowned at the Venus Fly Trap ninja.

"Where did you hear this?" Sasori implored.

"Hidan." Both sides answered.

"That explains it." Sasori nodded.

It was at that moment that a loud piercing shriek filled the air and a giant fireball was shot into the sky. All the Akatsuki recognized the shriek to be Tobi's, since it sounded like a dying cow.

"What's he doing now?" Sasori asked nonchalantly.

"I don't think we want to know, un." Deidara said.

"I'm going to find Tobi." Zetsu said, sprinting as fast as he could away from the blonde and redhead.

"Where are Tobi and Hidan?" Kakuzu asked as the stitched-nin came racing over to the other two.

"Weren't they with you?" Sasori demanded as they took off toward the fireball, ignoring the large mass of people running in the completely opposite direction.

"Hidan said he was going to go to find Leader-sama, so I didn't think much of it." Kakuzu replied. "Tobi just took off!"

"We shouldn't have brought him in the first place, un." Deidara said.

"Dei, make a clay bird and use it to find Hidan and Tobi." Sasori said.

"I don't have my clay, un!" Deidara yelped.

"Sure, the _one _time you don't have your clay." Sasori sighed.

Konan came running up to the group and said, "We found Hidan. Have you guys found Tobi?"

"Not yet, un." Deidara said.

"Where was Hidan?" Kakuzu asked.

"In the bathroom." Konan said. "The completely opposite end from where the fireball went up."

"Hidan was innocent?" Deidara frowned.

"That's a new one." Sasori said.

"So what are we doing?" Kakuzu asked.

"Everyone is back in the bus." Konan said. "Kisame's using his water technique to put out the fire and Itachi's using the Sharingan to look for Tobi."

"Will that work?" Sasori wanted to know.

"It's worth a shot." Konan shrugged. "I need to find Pein and tell him that I found you guys."

"Isn't he with everyone else?" Kakuzu frowned.

"He's still in the conservatory." Konan said.

Once they reached the bus, the stitched-nin, the bomb expert and the puppet master clambered aboard to find Hidan and Zetsu waiting.

"You're innocent for once." Kakuzu said with a smile, glad to see that his lover wasn't the cause of mayhem.

"Always the tone of surprise, eh Kakuzu?" Hidan smiled in return.

"So did you guys find Tobi?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"Not yet, un." Deidara shook his head.

"Actually…" Sasori said, looking out his window.

Konan, Pein, Itachi, Kisame and Tobi were running toward the bus at speeds that could easily outrun a cheetah high on caffeine. What was so amusing, however, was the fact that Tobi was jumping up and down, waving his arms and yelling, "I'm a butterfly!" over and over again.

When at last everyone was safe and as close to sound of mind as they could get, Kisame asked, "Where _were_ you, Tobi?"

"I was looking at the butterflies!" Tobi exclaimed happily.

"No shit?" Hidan's amethyst eyes rolled to the ceiling.

"Hidan, am I to understand that you didn't shoot off the fireball?" Itachi looked at the Jashinist in surprise.

"What's with the look, Itachi?" Hidan glared at the Uchiha.

"All right, everyone quiet down." Pein said.

At once, all was silent save for the sound of the butterflies and the building burning to a crisp and Tobi whispering, "I'm a butterfly!" This was stopped quite abruptly when Deidara whacked him over the head.

"Yes, Leader-sama?" Kisame asked.

"Since the Maid of the Mist is closed today, we will have the afternoon off." The Akatsuki leader said.

"Why is it closed?" Konan looked at her lover in confusion.

"Because the boat sprung a leak." Pein shrugged. "I dunno."

"So what are we doing instead, un?" Deidara asked as his head fell on Sasori's shoulder.

"Whatever you guys want to do." Pein said.

"Can we walk around the city?" Kakuzu wanted to know.

"No." Pein said at once. "I don't want any more chaos to occur."

At this, everyone glared at Hidan, who said, "Don't look at me!"

And with that, the butterfly visit came to a close. The lunchtime business, however, would come to a close second in regards to the chaos that was to occur.

**Hidan didn't cause a riot! weird, huh? and does anyone know when Hidan and Kakuzu will be in the anime? i will take sugestiong for this story because i am running out of things to have them do! review?**

**next chapter: lunch disaster!**


	14. The Meal from Hell

**Disclaimer: I don't own Niagara Falls, Akatsuki, Naruto, Canada, Golden Corral, or anything. Now that i think about it, i don't own anything. besides the plot.**

**It's Mika-chan! I was on vacation until sunday, so i couldn't write. this chapter was inspired by Tropicalna. this was a great write, let me tell you! on with the deadly tale!**

Upon their arrival at the hotel, the Akatsuki decided that they would have some lunch. The problem, however, was finding a place to eat. Deidara wanted chilli, Kisame and Zetsu's black side wanted sushi, Hidan, Itachi and Konan wanted teriyaki, Zetsu's white side wanted Korean barbeque, Pein wanted chicken sandwiches, Kakuzu wanted hamburgers and Tobi wanted sweets. Sasori was not going to need lunch because he couldn't eat. Lucky him.

So after a great deal of arguing and fistfights, the Akatsuki decided to eat at Golden Corral. Tobi made a mad dash for the sweets, but was recovered by Deidara and Konan.

"You need some healthy food, Tobi." Zetsu's white side said.

"Good luck finding that here." Hidan said under his breath.

"The salad is very nutritious." Konan said as the Akatsuki sat down at a large table.

I don't know about any of you, but if I saw a group of people like the Akatsuki in a restaurant, I'd get up and leave as soon as I possibly could. And that is exactly what some people did. However, a large number of people were taking pictures of Zetsu, since it's not every day you see a Venus Fly Trap for a human.

"Danna," Deidara whispered to Sasori. "They're taking pictures of Zetsu, un."

"I'm sure he loves the attention." Sasori said with a small smile.

Zetsu, however, didn't seem to mind in the least. The Venus Fly Trap ninja was eating his hot dog with great interest, which is slightly out of the ordinary. Why in the name of Shiva would someone be so interested in a hot dog? It's beyond me, in any case.

Hidan and Kakuzu were over at the salad section of the restaurant. Kakuzu was trying to get the Jashinist to eat something remotely healthy, but Hidan wasn't going to go down that easily.

"Why in the name of Jashin-sama do I have to eat healthy, Kakuzu?" Hidan glared at his lover with amethyst eyes.

"Because it's good for you." Kakuzu said, ignoring the large amount of people who were staring at his face covering.

"I'm a fucking Immortal!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Keep your voice down." Kakuzu hissed as he piled some lettuce on Hidan's deserted plate.

"I can be as loud as the hell I want." Hidan said, glaring at the vile vegetable in front of him.

"Not when we're in public, honey." Kakuzu said.

Back at the table, the rest of the Akatsuki were doing their best to ignore the rantings from a certain Jashinist that was Hidan. This, however, was very hard to do, since Hidan was making enough noise for the deaf to hear. Sasori was feeling very awkward not eating and was trying to talk to anyone who wouldn't yell at him.

"Just eat already, Sasori." Konan said.

"I'll have to remake my entire body." Sasori said, earning himself some odd looks from nearby diners.

"Oh yeah." Konan nodded. "Sorry 'bout that."

"You guys always forget that I don't need to eat, huh?" Sasori crossed his arms angrily in front of his chest.

"I know what we could do!" Tobi exclaimed quite suddenly.

"What, Tobi?" Kisame sighed.

"We should go to Broadway!" the orange-masked ninja yelled.

After a moment of silence, Deidara said, "Tobi, that's in New York, un. We're in Canada."

"Oh, right." Tobi slouched in a depressed manner.

"That'll be our next trip." Pein said.

"No!" the Akatsuki save for Tobi yelled.

At that moment, a teenage girl whom everyone assumed was a waitress walked over to the group of rowdy ninja.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to quiet down." The girl with the nametag that read "Melissa" said.

"So sorry about that." Pein said, trying to ignore the girl who was staring at his plethora of piercings.

The girl left without a word, though nearby diners were muttering amongst themselves, trying to decide who these insane people where.

"So now what?" Kisame asked.

"What did you guys do?" Hidan asked as he joined the rest of the group with his lover.

"We got yelled at." Tobi said sadly.

"Not really." Zetsu's white side said as he tore off a hunk of chicken.

"Where'd you get the chicken, Zetsu?" Hidan stared at the piece of meat in envy.

"At the meat bar." The black side replied somewhat testily.

"You didn't see it, un?" Deidara frowned as he twirled some spaghetti on his fork.

"Of course I didn't see it!" Hidan exclaimed angrily. "Kakuzu made me go to the fucking salad bar instead!" he glared at his lover as he asked, "Will you at least let me drink some sakè?"

"They don't serve sakè here, Hidan." Pein said, munching on a breadstick.

"Why the fuck not?" Hidan was obviously in a foul mood. As if his voice needed to tell us that.

"Because this is a family restaurant." Itachi said, sticking out his tongue in disgust.

"Family my ass." Hidan huffed as he started to eat his horrid salad.

"There _are_ small children around, so shut it, Hidan." Pein ordered.

"Ok, ok." Hidan was still glowering ten minutes later when he and Kakuzu finished their salads.

"ICE CREAM!" Tobi screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Shut up, Tobi!" Itachi, Deidara, Sasori and Zetsu's black side yelled.

Once again, the waitress named Melissa came over and said, "This is your final warning before I kick you out."

After the girl walked timidly away, Itachi said, "Leader-sama, do you want me to kill her?"

"No, that'll only attract attention." Pein said as the rest of his breadstick vanished.

"So now what, un?" Deidara asked as he leaned his elbow against the table.

"We finish eating." Sasori said.

"Well, all but you." Kisame said.

"Of course." Sasori was not at all pleased.

"Hey, you turned yourself into a puppet." Zetsu's black side said. "It was your decision."

"I didn't think I'd miss eating so much." Sasori said, looking longingly at the food in front of his lover.

"Stop staring at my food, Danna, un." Deidara shielded his precious meal from the Puppet Master.

"I'm getting ice cream." Kakuzu said, rising from the table.

"Hell yeah!" Hidan couldn't help but yelling.

"Keep it down, Hidan." Konan hissed, sensing that Pein was going to loose it judging from the vein that was slowly appearing over his temple.

So Kakuzu and Hidan went to the ice cream bar. Once they had their cones of the delicious dessert, Hidan went straight for the toppings.

"Hidan, you don't put toppings on cones." Kakuzu said, watching his lover pour chocolate syrup on his vanilla ice cream.

"I do." Hidan said, grinning maliciously while dumping gummy bears on the ice cream.

"Think that's enough, un?"

Kakuzu and Hidan turned around to find Deidara approaching the group with Tobi, with whom it seemed he was holding hands, much to the annoyance of the bomb artist.

"What gives, Dei?" Kakuzu frowned at Tobi.

"Leader-sama made me take him, un." Deidara scowled at the seemingly younger ninja. "Zetsu isn't done eating."

"That's enough, Hidan!" Kakuzu yelled at the Jashinist, who was dumping at least half a ton easily of sprinkles on the candy mountain of his ice cream.

"I'm done anyway." Hidan grinned as he started licking his glorious ice cream.

"Finally." Kakuzu rolled his eyes and walked back to the table with his lover.

When they reached the group, they found the rest of the Akatsuki merely sitting around. Why this is no one knows, least of all Kakuzu and Hidan, who had been gone for the previous ten minutes or however long it took for Hidan to pour all that candy on his ice cream. After a moment, Deidara and Tobi came racing over to the table with Deidara screaming, "Everybody run!"

"Run? Run where?" Kisame frowned.

"Out of here, un!" Deidara yelled, grabbing his Danna and racing out of the restaurant with the rest of the Akatsuki hot on their heels.

"What was that for?" Itachi demanded.

"I blew up the ice cream machine!" Tobi squealed.

"You _what_?!" all the Akatsuki rounded on Tobi.

"It wouldn't come out, so I tried beating it and it blew up!" Tobi exclaimed dramatically.

"This shouldn't surprise me." Pein rubbed his temple tiredly.

"Let's go back before someone else can cause chaos." Itachi said as they walked back to the hotel.

**I have a few more chapter ideas for this story, though more are welcome if anyone wants to give me any. i have a sequal planned for when i DO finish this. for those who read ECHO, my death note story, i will be taking a short break for its sake. it's going too quickly, in my opinion. review?**

**next chapter: Hidan's going to have a field day...**


	15. The Other Side of Tobi

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. i mean, could i REALLY own Niagara Falls?**

**It's Mika-chan! this was supposed to be the chapter where Hidan meets another Jashinist, but that was so long that it's a oneshot. this is for NearTheEnd for giving me this idea. It's a scary chapter ahead, people! on with the deadly tale!**

It seemed like it was going to be a boring rest of the day. Deidara had killed a few hours swimming laps in the pool with Itachi, Konan and Hidan, but what was to be done with the nighttime?

So the bomb expert was in his hotel room, creating clay birds and exploding them. Sometimes they went off at random moments. Others took a few seconds whilst others took almost twenty minutes to explode.

"Dei, quit doing that." Sasori scowled at the blonde as he entered the hotel room.

"How as the game, un?" Deidara asked, sitting up on the bed.

"Leader-sama won most of the hands and Zetsu tried to convince everyone that his pair of fours was really a royal straight flush." Sasori shook his head.

"Wow…" Deidara breathed.

"What's so amazing about that?" Sasori frowned, flopping onto the bed next to his lover.

"Just the fact that Zetsu had a royal straight flush, un!" Deidara squealed.

"He didn't you dingbat!" Sasori exclaimed.

_Dozing Green_ rang throughout the room, which meant that Deidara's phone was ringing.

"You changed the ringtone?" Sasori frowned.

"I got bored with the old one, un." Deidara shrugged as he answered the phone.

"Yes, un…no, I haven't seen Tobi…well, he can't be doing anything _that_ bad, can he, un? Good point. We'll go look for him, un."

"Who wanted what?" Sasori questioned.

"Tobi's missing." Deidara said simply.

"He's _missing?_" Sasori's mouth dropped so low that a lion could easily fit its head inside with room to move.

"Zetsu says that he hasn't been seen since we got back from lunch, un." Deidara shrugged.

"Deidara, we need to find him _now_." Sasori grabbed Deidara's hand and pulled the blonde off the bed.

"Why, un?!" Deidara shrieked.

"Deidara, Tobi is like Hidan when he's let loose." Sasori said.

"He kills people, un?" Deidara frowned.

"No!" Sasori screamed. "He's worse!"

Just an opinion poll for this story. Who is worse running around a city: Tobi or Hidan? Results from this poll will be included in the next chapter. If there are any results, that is.

Let's continue, ne?

And with that, the two ninja raced down the hallway, ploughing right into a very annoyed Kakuzu and Hidan.

"Have you guys seen Tobi?" Sasori asked.

"Zetsu called you too, huh?" Hidan rolled the amethyst eyes.

"He can usually handle Tobi pretty well." Kakuzu said. "Tobi must've done something _really_ bad."

"Well, if the building goes up in flames, we'll know why." Hidan smirked.

"Don't even joke about that, un." Deidara's eyes were squeezed shut.

"Deidara and I will go look around the pool." Sasori said. "Is anyone looking outside?"

"Kisame and Itachi." Hidan nodded. "Konan said that she's looking on the roof and in the weight rooms."

"And Zetsu, un?" Deidara implored.

"He's in the room in case Tobi comes back." Kakuzu said.

"Lucky bastard." Hidan scowled.

"Call if you find him." Sasori said.

"Got it." Hidan said as the pairs went off in different directions. "But how the Jashin-sama are we supposed to find him? Seriously! Tobi can run faster than Deidara on a sugar high!"

"I hope he hasn't done anything drastic." Kakuzu said worriedly. "He's paying for anything he brakes."

"This is ridiculous!" Hidan exclaimed as they walked out of the dining room ten minutes later. "Where else could he be?"

"Did we check the gift shop?" Kakuzu asked.

"What gift shop?" Hidan frowned. "We have a gift shop here?"

"In the lobby." Kakuzu nodded.

"No, we didn't." Hidan shook his head. "Is someone looking there?"

"I don't think so." Kakuzu said as they set off for the gift shop.

* * *

Itachi and Kisame were beginning to get bored. They knew that Tobi was a danger to himself (and all others, mind you) and his disappearance should be taken as seriously as if a killer wildebeest had escaped from the city zoo. Well, Niagara Falls doesn't have a zoo to the best of my knowledge, but it's an expression! In any case, the two Akatsuki were bored of roaming the city in search of Tobi.

"Maybe he's at Skylon Tower?" Kisame suggested. "He loved it there."

"They're closed now, Kisame." Itachi said. "Most places are closed now."

"What time is it?" Kisame asked.

"Almost nine." Itachi checked his cell phone.

"The butterfly place burnt down…" Kisame said.

"Stupid fire." Itachi scowled.

"So where else could he be?" Kisame mused. "We checked every toy store in the city, on both sides of the falls. And Kakuzu and Hidan said he wasn't in the gift shop."

"The kid's an enigma, 'same." Itachi wrapped his arm around his lover.

"Ain't that the truth?" Kisame shook his head.

* * *

"Seriously, where the fuck is that fucking kid?"

Ten minutes later, Hidan and Kakuzu were still looking for the bundle of energy that was Tobi. A call from Konan told them that he was not in the weight room and Deidara had informed them that he wasn't in the spa. Where else was left?

"Maybe he's at the bank?" Kakuzu suggested.

"In your dreams, honey." Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Honey?" Kakuzu raised his eyebrows at the term of endearment that Hidan never used. "That's a first."

"I'm going to get some sakè." Hidan announced as he made his way to the bar.

"We could probably use a break." Kakuzu said.

What astonished them, however, was whom they found at the bar. Sitting at the counter was none other than Tobi.

"Tobi!" Kakuzu exclaimed.

"What the fucking Jashin-sama are you fucking doing here?" Hidan hissed angrily.

"Getting drunk!" Tobi slurred.

"Oh shit." Hidan's eyes became dinner plates.

"Tobi wants to go swimming!" Tobi announced.

And with that, he leapt off the bar stool and raced over to the pool. Hidan dashed after him while Kakuzu called Pein to let him know that the missing ninja was found. Well, he was still listed as a missing ninja, but you get the point, huh?

So after Hidan had cornered Tobi in the poolroom, the Jashinist was going to try to bring the problem ninja back to the room with Zetsu. This, however, didn't work so well because Tobi faked a left, dashed to the right and jumped into the pool.

"Oh shit…"

Hidan jumped in after him and wrestled the smaller ninja until the Jashinist had control of him.

"What happened?" Kakuzu asked when he arrived to find Hidan dragging Tobi out of the pool.

"The bastard jumped in!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Tobi's going to go jump off the tightrope now." Tobi said, swaying with each step.

"What the fuck?" Hidan's eyebrows were raised.

"Mom, can Tobi have some pomegranate juice? Tobi wants to give his pickle a sock." Tobi said.

"This is scarier than seeing you drunk, Hidan." Kakuzu said, a smile forming on his lips.

"I was only drunk that one time and you hold it against me." Hidan tightened his grip on Tobi as the latter attempted to squirm away.

"You tried to cut Konan's head off." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"What can I say?" Hidan smiled. "I was drunk."

"Can Tobi go out for recess now?" Tobi was still making no motherfucking sense whatsoever.

The Akatsuki ended up meeting in the lobby, where Hidan shoved the still babbling Tobi to Zetsu.

"Where was he?" Sasori asked.

"At the bar." Kakuzu said.

"The mountain wants to tell the sun that it smells like sweat socks."

"So why are you wet?"

"Because Tobi jumped in and I had to jump in after him."

"Yeah, heaven forbid we drown Tobi." Kisame's eyes rolled in sarcasm.

"Tobi's shampoo spilled on the driveway and the cat needs to clean up the watermelon."

"Why is he speaking in third person?"

"Who knows?"

"Because it's what Tobi does, I guess."

"Mom, the pillow wants to kill the tomato. Should Tobi stop it?"

"This is getting out of hand." Pein shook his head. "Zetsu, take Tobi back to the room. Hidan, go dry off. At least we found him before he could hurt anyone."

And with that, the Akatsuki went up to their rooms, Zetsu dragging Tobi, who was still talking randomly. And in third person, might I add? In any case, they needed a good rest before the Maid of the Mist tour in the morning.

**Tobi is halarious drunk, huh? I was wondering if there was an aquarium in Niagara Falls...review?**

**next chapter: maid of the mist!**


	16. Maid of the Mist

**Disclaimer: I tried to buy Naruto, but the charaters attacked me.**

**Hey yo! It's Mika-chan! Sorry this took so long. I didn't really have any motivation for this story...on with the deadly tale!**

The next morning, Kakuzu had woken up, showered, dressed, went downstairs for breakfast and come up and Hidan was still asleep. Sure, Kakuzu knew that the Jashinist loved to sleep, but this had gone on long enough.

So the stitched-nin tried different ways to awaken his lover. First he tried the cold-water trick, but Hidan didn't wake up. Then Kakuzu tried blasting loud music in the Jashinist's ear, but to no avail. He'd tried just about everything and was just about to give up when he noticed the crimson scythe on the wall. Kakuzu frowned. Would that _really _work? Well, it was worth a shot. He moved the scythe not even a fraction of an inch and heard a very annoyed Hidan say, "Get off my fucking scythe, Kakuzu."

Glad that he'd gotten Hidan awake, Kakuzu smiled and said, "Not even noon and you're already cursing."

"What of it?" Hidan yawned as he sat up.

"We're doing that Maid of the Mist thing today, so hurry up." Kakuzu said.

"But I don't wanna do that today." Hidan whined. "I'm still tired from chasing Tobi!"

"Well, Tobi will probably have a killer hangover, so you won't have to worry about that." Kakuzu said.

"Oh, that's going to be great." Hidan rolled his eyes.

The two eventually made their way down to the lobby, where they boarded a bus that would take them to the Maid of the Mist tour. Tobi was still hung over and almost threw up a grand total of twenty seven times.

When they had finally arrived at their vacation spot, the Akatsuki clambered off the bus and Deidara ran over to a roped off area that was preventing unsuspecting tourists from falling off a cliff to their doom. There, the bomb artist started taking pictures at a speed that could mimic a hummingbird flying.

"Deidara, save some of your film for later." Sasori said.

"But I want to use it now, Danna!" Deidara whined.

"Take a picture of Hidan pushing Kakuzu over the falls." Itachi smiled a rare smile.

Kakuzu smacked the Uchiha in the back of the head, to which Itachi responded by yelling very loudly.

"Stop it already." Tobi moaned. "My head hurts!"

"What do you expect?" Hidan rolled his eyes. "You were drunk last night."

"I was?" Tobi frowned.

"Why do you think Hidan was a wet as a dog, un?" Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Leader-sama, do we have tickets?" the white side of Zetsu inquired.

"Yes, we do." Pein said. "And we should be getting on right about now."

Once the Akatsuki was loaded onto the bus, the complementary ponchos were distributed. Poor Zetsu had to wait for what seemed like twenty years to find a poncho big enough to go over his abnormally large head.

"You look weird, Danna, un." Deidara snickered, getting a look at his lover.

"I shouldn't even be here." Sasori complained.

"Who cares if you get wet, Sasori?" Konan leaned over the rail, looking out into the lake beneath the falls.

"I do, Konan." Sasori scowled.

"Where is Hidan?" Kisame asked, noticing the area was not as loud as it could be.

"He and Tobi went off to get snacks." Kakuzu said.

"And you let them?!" Itachi asked incredulously.

"Why not?" Kakuzu shrugged.

"You should know what your lover does by now, Kakuzu." Pein said.

"I told Hidan to make sure that he behaved himself." Kakuzu said. "He has to watch out for Tobi, too."

"Did you tell him that?" Konan raised an eyebrow.

"Well, no." Kakuzu shook his head.

"Man the life boats, Deidara." Sasori said.

"I don't wanna die!" Deidara wailed, flinging his arms around his beloved Danna.

"We're not going to die, Deidara." Pein yanked the blonde off the puppet master. "We just need to find Hidan and Tobi before the ride is over."

Soon an announcement came over the intercom that the ship would be passing under the waterfall in a mere matter of moments. Pein and Konan darted off to look for Tobi and Hidan. The rest of the Akatsuki, in the meantime, were left to get ridiculously wet.

"Isn't this fun, Danna, un? Danna?" Deidara looked around when he heard no response from Sasori.

Looking back, Deidara found Sasori smacked against the wall, as far from the railing as he could be.

"Danna, un, you have a poncho on." Deidara grabbed his lover's hand and dragged him to the rail.

"Be a good sport, Sasori." Itachi said, linking hands with Kisame.

"I can't get wet." Sasori said.

"We know." Kisame said monotonously.

"Then why won't you listen to me?" Sasori frowned.

"Because we can't, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"This is going to cost a fortune…" Kakuzu whimpered.

"It wasn't very much, Kakuzu." Zetsu's white side assured the stitched-nin.

"I bet it was, Zetsu." Kakuzu said, bringing out his graphing calculator.

"I'd put that away, un." Deidara said.

"Yeah, Kakuzu." Kisame said. "It'll get wet."

_Myaku _could be heard, which meant that Itachi's cell phone was ringing.

"Itachi…yes, Konan?…we're in the same place…no, we haven't…yes, I'm sure! Can't you find us?…you can't find Hidan?" The Uchiha turned to look at the group with a shocked look. "Well, where could he be? We'd be able to hear him…everywhere? I don't know then…ok. We'll look."

"What did Konan want?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"She and Leader-sama can't find Tobi or Hidan." Itachi closed the cell phone on his chest and stuck it back in his pocket.

"God help us!" Zetsu's black side wailed, earning him some reproachful looks from a group of nearby atheists.

"We'll split up and look. Kakuzu, you go with Zetsu." Kisame said. "Partners go together. Call when you've found them."

"_If_ we find them, un." Deidara said darkly.

So the Akatsuki split up, wandering around the Maid of the Mist, ignoring the waterfall completely. Zetsu was arguing with himself: the black side wanted to look for Tobi and Hidan whilst the white side wanted to stay and look at the waterfall. Eventually, Itachi had to drag the Venus Fly Trap away and help in the search.

"Get back here, you stupid kid!"

"I guess that would be Hidan." Sasori said.

"We found them, un?" Deidara pulled his head out of a barrel of water bottles.

"You didn't hear Hidan just now?" Sasori frowned.

"Yeah, I did, un." Deidara nodded.

"Let's follow the yelling." Sasori said. "That hasn't led us wrong yet has it?"

"Hidan, give back my bunny!"

"And that would be Tobi." Sasori rolled his eyes.

"He brought his bunny with him?" Deidara's eyebrows furrowed together.

"He's probably hallucinating." Sasori said with a shrug.

They made their way up to the deck and found Hidan wrestling Tobi on the floor. In Tobi's arms was a bottle of water whilst Hidan had a pink fuzzy bunny that I mentioned in chapter one.

"Give him back, Hidan-san!" Tobi screamed.

"Tobi, in my religion, stealing is a crime." Hidan finally yanked the water bottle from the troublesome ninja.

"But I'm thirsty!" Tobi wailed.

"Then get Kakuzu to buy it for you." Hidan said. "I'm not giving back this rabbit until you return the water. Got it?"

Deidara and Tobi were watching this from one angle of the room. How was Hidan being so calm about this? And this _is _a calm Hidan, ladies and gentlemen.

Tobi slunk over to the barrel of water bottles and returned it, walking back over to Hidan with a look of misery.

"Can I have Mr. Fluffles back now?" Tobi asked.

"Fine." Hidan said, shoving the bunny to Tobi.

He turned around and saw Deidara and Sasori standing just mere feet away.

"How long have you been there?" Hidan asked as he approached the two ninja, dragging Tobi along behind him.

"Since you made the comment about your religion." Sasori answered, since Deidara was on his cell phone.

"Oh." Hidan grinned sheepishly.

"I would think stealing would be allowed in Jashinism, Hidan." Sasori said. "I mean, you're allowed to kill people, right?"

"Yeah, but you can get murdered for stealing." Hidan said with a nod.

So all was well. Hidan and Tobi were found, but the Jashinist still had to battle it out with Kakuzu. After the something like a disaster on the Maid of the Mist, Pein was seriously doubting their afternoon activity.

**I hate to say it, but this story is almost over...but i have a sequal in my mind. i might put it on paper. review?**

**next chapter: birds, birds, BIRDS!**


	17. Bird Land

**Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki**

**hey yo! It's Mika-chan! Sorry for the long wait. I've had a ton of stuff for school to do. This chapter is for Come Back To Me for giving me the idea. I hope it isn't too bad! On with the deadly tale!**

The entirety of the Akatsuki was in the lobby, waiting for Pein to come back with directions for the afternoon's entertainment. Zetsu was arguing with himself whether Escape the Fate or Linkin Park was the better band, Hidan was reading the Jashin bible, Tobi was playing with his rabbit, Itachi and Kisame were talking about _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_, Deidara was asleep standing up, Sasori was looking around the lobby while he took in the scenery, Konan was reading a romance novel and Kakuzu was balancing his checkbook.

"Someone wake up Deidara." Kisame said as the blonde started to snore.

"I'm not doing it." Sasori said at once, jumping back several feet.

"What's wrong with you, Sasori?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"You don't know what happens when Deidara is forced to wake up." Sasori said in a fearful voice.

"Oh really?" Konan raised an eyebrow. "And what does he do?"

"I can't tell you guys that!" Sasori exclaimed.

"Is it sexual?" Itachi frowned.

"Dude, that's gross." Hidan shuddered.

"You do it with Kakuzu all the time." Zetsu's black side said.

"But what does he do?" Tobi frowned.

"I can't tell you." Sasori shook his head fiercely.

At that moment, Deidara's head jerked forward and the grey-blue eyes slowly opened before he looked at the group in confusion.

"What did I miss, un?"

"Never mind." Itachi shook his head.

"Where _is_ he?" Hidan asked impatiently, referring to Pein. "He's taking forever!"

"Quit being so impatient, Hidan." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"He shouldn't be taking this long." Kisame said, more to himself than anyone.

A few moments later, Pein walked into the lobby from the tourist area. If I remember correctly, on my visit to Niagara Falls there was a section for tourists in the lobby. But, then again, that was a long time ago and I'm really bad at remembering things. Go figure.

"What took so long, eh?" Kisame frowned.

"You wouldn't believe the line!" Pein exclaimed.

It seems that Pein has something in common with Kakashi: he makes excuses for being late.

"Yeah, sure." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"You were asleep, Deidara." Sasori told the blonde.

"Shut up, so I can tell you what we're doing!" Pein yelled unnecessarily loudly.

Deidara and Sasori stopped talking and it was so quiet that one could hear a mouse scamper across the floor. Well, not really, but it was quiet to say the least.

"We are going to a bird sanctuary." Pein said.

"What the fuck!?" Hidan yelled so loudly that several nuns turned and gasped in horror. One nun actually fainted on the spot. Ah yes. Hidan tends to have that affect on people.

"Birds?" Itachi frowned. "Leader-sama, may I ask _why_ we are looking at birds?"

"We need something to fill time." Pein shrugged.

"How much is this going to cost?" Kakuzu asked.

"Can you not worry about money for once, Kakuzu?" Konan faced the stitched-nin.

"I'm afraid I can't do that." Kakuzu shook his head.

"Well, I'll force you to." Itachi said.

"And when are we leaving?" Sasori asked.

"In a few minutes." Pein replied.

"But I don't wanna see birds." Tobi whined, squeezing the stuffed bunny against his chest.

"Live with it, Tobi, un." Deidara said.

Now this part of the story is going to be hard for me to write. I've never been to the Birds of the Lost Kingdom, as the bird sanctuary is called. I only found out about this somewhat recently from a reader. I could improvise and make the Akatsuki go somewhere useless, but that would be boring, now wouldn't it? So I'll do my best to imagine this place and write down the dreadful events that occur there.

The Birds of the Lost Kingdom was only a few blocks away from the hotel, so the Akatsuki found themselves walking once again to their destination. This wouldn't have been so annoying if it wasn't for the group of cyclists that tried to bike past them in a very rude fashion.

When they at last arrived, the Akatsuki was yet again split up by partners. And in the same partnerships that have occurred throughout the rest of this story. The main concern was that Tobi was going to jump off the roof or perform some ludicrous stunt later that was meant to impress.

"Are we running out of things to do?" Sasori asked as he gazed at a Bald Eagle with Deidara.

"How should I know, un?" Deidara shrugged, his video camera on the majestic bird.

"I honestly don't know." Sasori shrugged.

"You're bored, aren't you?" Deidara gazed at the redhead with a small smile.

"I never wanted to go on this vacation to begin with." Sasori crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"That's a bit obvious, un." Deidara nodded. "But it's almost over. Then you can go back to making puppets again, un."

"And stopping you from blowing up the hideout." Sasori sighed.

Elsewhere in the sanctuary, Zetsu was having a very hard time trying to keep Tobi under control. The orange-masked ninja had tried on several occasions to climb in the cages with the various birds. Needless to say, Zetsu wasn't really enjoying this little outing.

"Can you stand still for one fraction of a second, Tobi?" the black side demanded.

"But this is fun, Zetsu-san!" Tobi exclaimed.

"It would be if you'd calm down." The black side muttered angrily.

"Leave him alone." Zetsu's white side said. "Tobi's a good boy."

Normally, Tobi would have reacted to this statement. However, the hyperactive ninja had his face plastered against the glass wall, looking at a parakeet.

"Wow…" Zetsu's white side said.

"Exactly." The black side agreed.

In another part of the Birds of the Lost Kingdom, Kakuzu and Hidan were gazing at scarlet macaws. Well, Kakuzu was, anyway. The Jashinist had long since pulled out his iPod and was now listening to Children of Bodom.

"This is nice, huh?" Kakuzu said, staring at the crimson bird.

When he got no response from his lover, the stitched-nin looked over to his left where Hidan was standing. The amethyst-eyed ninja couldn't hear him; the volume was up too high and it was a song that Hidan liked in particular, which made him have the volume up more than normal or recommended.

Annoyed, Kakuzu grabbed the cord and yanked hard, causing the headphones to fall out of Hidan's ears, to which Hidan gave a short yelp of surprise.

"What the hell, Kakuzu?" Hidan glared at the stitched-nin.

"I was talking to you." Kakuzu faced the birds again.

"And I was bored." Hidan sighed, shoving the headphones back into his ears.

"At least pretend to be interested." Kakuzu ordered.

"I've been bored this whole vacation." Hidan said.

"Not when you were jumping off the waterfall." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Well, that doesn't count." Hidan shrugged.

"It was on our vacation, so it counts." Kakuzu said.

"But not everyone jumped." Hidan pointed out.

"Not everyone is Immortal, honey." Kakuzu retorted.

"But they could've jumped anyway." Hidan rebounded quickly.

"No one besides us could've lived." Kakuzu said.

"That's their problem." Hidan shrugged, changing songs on the iPod. "If they converted to Jashinism…"

"Not again, Hidan." Kakuzu said through gritted teeth, knowing the sermon that was soon to come.

"It's true!" Hidan exclaimed.

"I'm not a Jashinist, so how am I an Immortal?" Kakuzu faced his partner.

"Don't know, don't care." Hidan grinned.

"You should." Kakuzu said.

"You have a bunch of different hearts and replace them when one's about to bite the dust." Hidan said in a bored voice.

"Technically, yes." Kakuzu said.

"But I'm still bored." Hidan scowled, crossing his arms angrily in front of his chest.

"Find something to do." Kakuzu said. "Think about how beautiful the birds are."

"They're not." Hidan said crossly.

"Do you think of anything besides sex and Jashin?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"Music." Hidan said, a wicked smile forming on his lips.

"Oh yes, how could I forget that?" Kakuzu's words dripped with sarcasm. "It's _very_ annoying to hear you blasting some bullshit band at three in the morning."

"Hey, Iron Maiden and Bullet For My Valentine are not bullshit! Seriously!" Hidan was obviously mad by his lover's statement.

"Yes, they are." Kakuzu said.

"At it again, are we?"

Kisame and Itachi came into sight walking around a cage of toucans.

"What now, huh?" Hidan demanded.

"Leader-sama says it's time to go." Kisame said.

"We just got here." Kakuzu pointed out.

"We've been here for almost two hours." Itachi said.

"And Tobi got in with the vultures, so that was a sure sign to leave." Kisame said with a small smile.

"Why do we take him anywhere?" Hidan shook his head in a painfully slow sort of way.

"I honestly don't know." Itachi sighed as the four walked out of the Birds of the Lost Kingdom, never to return again.

Well, that's what would happen if this was a normal story, which this isn't. In any case, the next day's activity would prove interesting and fun for a certain ninja who shall remain nameless. And I will try to get the next chapter up faster than this one. Having said that, I bid my readers a farewell. Oh, and don't mind the killer guinea pigs. They won't kill you…yet.

**It was bad, wasn't it? This story is drawing very close to its...well, close. I have one more chapter planned for niagara falls before they go back to the base. this will be extended, however, if i get ideas. having said that, review?**

**next chapter: water, water, water...**


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